No Impact, No Idea
by OriginalAlcy
Summary: It's no good being able to drill someone from a hundred metres if you can't pull the damn trigger. A certain ex-Cerberus Operative is playing games with Ashley Williams and it's the one battle the marine isn't equipped to fight. An expansion of the Miranda/Ashley romance in Catalyst of Fate.
1. The Social Engagement from Hell

**A/N:** SPOILER WARNING: This little fic is intended to be an expansion to the universe created in _Catalyst of Fate_ and as such it will contain spoilers for that fic. If you haven't checked it out yet, I highly suggest reading it. However if you can't be arsed wading through 250,000 words of what is primarily a FemShep/Liara focused story, then by all means read on.

Ashley and Miranda kind of surprised me while I was writing _Catalyst_ to the point where they became two of my favourite characters to write. However in telling Shepard and Liara's story, I didn't have the space to do justice to what is a very complicated relationship. The idea for teasing out their story has been with me for a while, but the enthusiasm has only just emerged. This will probably run to four or five chapters at the most and I hope all you Miranda/Ashley shippers enjoy it (and those that didn't even realise they were a viable ship – like me!).

* * *

**No Impact, No Idea**

'No impact, no idea' – a marine expression denoting a miss on a weapons range when the scorer cannot find an impact on target; also used as an "I don't know" response.

**Chapter One  
****The Social Engagement from Hell**

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers

I need to speak to Shepard, can you arrange something?

P.S. Congratulations on your appointment to the Spectres.

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: RE: Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers

Who the fuck is this?

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: RE: Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers

You're a Spectre, you tell me.

Fine. I met you on Horizon. You called me a Cerberus c***.

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: Fuck you

Dear Miranda,

I didn't call you a Cerberus c***. I called you a Cerberus cunt.

And no I will not help you speak to Shepard. I'm blocking you from contacting this address.

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: RE: Fuck you

Block me? Are you serious?

You really need to live a little, Spectre. Tell you what…you, me, Purgatory, 0100hrs tonight. We'll talk. I think I might have more luck convincing you in person.

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: RE: Fuck you

How about you go crawl in the ass end of a thresher maw?

_[end message]_

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: This might change your mind

_Attachment: Williamssexytimes. vid_

How about you agree to come to Purgatory tonight and I don't post this little vid on the extranet of you making good use out of your recent purchase? Who knew that you could use the Spectre Requisition terminal to buy pretty much whatever you want?

[end message chain]

* * *

She'd only been standing outside for less than a minute, but the pulsing beat emanating from within Purgatory was already giving Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams a headache. Her original intention to march straight into the place without a pause had been shot to hell by a sudden flash of anxiety before she even reached the doors. Something inside her chest constricted and her feet stopped working. She stepped out of the flow of patrons far more eager than she to enter the club and moved to one side. Ash was well aware that the batarian bouncer was staring at her as though she was already three sheets to the wind but she didn't care. Instead she propped her body up against a nearby wall and folded her arms stubbornly across her chest.

_This is ridiculous. I am not setting foot in that club_, she told herself firmly. Her expression fixed into a scowl. _And certainly not because I was commanded to by some terrorist...regardless of her threats_. Ash only had to dwell on this last thought for a split second before her cheeks burned fiercely. The thought of such a video going anywhere near the extranet made her feel sick to her stomach_. Joker would have a field day..._

Her sole prior meeting with Miranda Lawson had been seven months ago in the wake of the Collector attack on Horizon. At the time she didn't dare let herself believe in the rumours that Shepard was alive let alone the ones that said she was alive and working for an extremist organisation. Then Horizon had changed everything. Any euphoria Ash had felt upon seeing the Skipper alive had vanished the instant she recognised the logo on the Commander's armour for what it was – Cerberus. In the chaotic tangle of emotions that followed, her anger had won out. Shepard had tried to placate her with words, but Ash had found herself incapable of hearing them as anything but hollow lies. Lawson had leapt to defend Shepard and Cerberus, but every word that came out of her mouth only incensed Ashley further. She hated Shepard for her betrayal, but she hated the smug bitch standing just behind her even more. When Lawson had tried to explain her anger as a 'typical Alliance attitude' she'd snapped in spectacular fashion. Her heated words had led to Shepard stepping in just as a biotic aura had danced threateningly on Miranda's fingertips. Ashley sighed. She'd turned on the Skipper at that point, even going as far as to swing and miss before Garrus jerked her away.

As far as Ash was concerned, everything was Miranda Lawson's fault. _Her and fucking Cerberus-_

She cut herself off before she could continue her tirade. Her anger gave her the courage she needed as she left her spot on the wall and marched straight past the batarian bouncer. He narrowed all four of his eyes at her as she walked past.

If the music was loud outside Purgatory, inside it throbbed incessantly in her head – filling all of the pauses that were usually reserved for thoughts with a wall of sound. Ashley gave the throng a cursory glance, but the place was packed to the gunnels. There was no way she could spot Lawson. Instead she made her way to the bar and ordered by simply pointing toward the scotch. The bartender sloshed a double into a glass which she promptly drained in one smooth motion. She slammed the empty down on the bar and jerked her head to order a refill. The drink remained in her glass as she moved away from the bar – she'd already received more than enough elbows to the ribs just in the minute she'd been standing there. She suspected it had something to do with the fact she'd opted for her uniform over civvies.

The dark corner she found wasn't nearly dark enough for her liking, but it was as removed as it was possible to be from the crowds and the music. Ash pressed her shoulder against the wall and watched the ebbs and flows of the crowd as she scanned for the Cerberus bitch. Usually she prided herself on being observant. Having a sharp eye in the midst of a fire-fight often meant the difference between life and death – for you or your buddy on the line.

"And I had thought this was a social engagement."

The words were murmured so close to her ear that Ashley felt more than just warm air flowing over her skin. She felt the unmistakable brush of lips several times, each one sending an electric jolt down her spine. Her first instinct was to spin on her heels and throw her drink in the bitch's face. She surprised herself with her own restraint. Instead Ash lifted her glass to her lips. The cool liquid left a trail of fire in its wake as it slid down her throat, much like the one that was raging in her stomach. She lowered the glass and occupied her twitching, nervous fingers by tracing circles around its wet rim.

"This _is_ a social engagement, Lawson." Ashley did not understand why her voice sounded so ineffective. "You can tell by the fact that I'm carrying a pistol instead of a shotgun." The weight of the Carnifex strapped to her leg was decidedly reassuring. "And you're still standing. I'd offer to buy you a drink, but then you might get the mistaken impression that I can actually stand you."

"We definitely wouldn't want that," Miranda replied. Ashley could tell by the sound of her voice that the damn woman was smiling. "I guess I shouldn't have bought you this then."

Reluctantly, Ashley disengaged her body from the nonchalant leaning position in which she felt secure. When she turned to face Miranda Lawson she felt strangely awkward in the face of both the smile and the glass extended towards her.

_Why am I not surprised she knows what I like to drink? _The marine took the scotch for the simple fact that she didn't like the way Miranda's proximity made her feel. She had to suppress a sigh of relief when the other woman's hand fell back to her side. Ash used the pretence of setting down her empty to put some much needed distance between them. No thanks were offered before she tilted the glass to her lips. Miranda followed suit with her own drink. Through half-lidded eyes, Ash observed the long lines of her pale white throat. Her gaze wandered, drifting down over the skin-tight black catsuit the woman wore. In comparison, Ashley felt as though she was wearing a sack – especially when her stare remained fixed on the perfectly proportioned amount of cleavage revealed by the suit. Far from being obscene, the shadowed cleft offered the merest hint of an invitation for eyes to linger. Ashley scowled. Her own suit was decently zipped up – after all, she was a marine, not some terrorist slut. When Miranda lowered her empty glass, there was a smile playing across her full, red lips.

_What the fuck is she smiling at now?_ Ashley realised belated that her cleavage-directed gaze had not been subtle in the slightest. With colouring cheeks, she practically threw her empty glass down beside the first.

"I haven't got all night, Lawson. What the hell do you want?" Ashley demanded angrily.

"It's nice to see you again too, Lieutenant-Commander Williams." Miranda gently set down her own glass so she could fold her arms across her chest. She appeared completely unfazed by the Spectre's hostile attitude.

"The feeling is not mutual." Ash glowered.

Miranda raised her eyebrows in amusement. "Well at least you showed up."

Bristling noticeably, Ash closed the distance between them until she was virtually standing on the other woman's toes. She caught a whiff of a fragrant scent and almost lost her train of thought. "I'm here because you threatened me, you bitch!" She could not stifle the quick glance to her left as an asari waitress cleared her empty glasses. It was only when she had moved on that Ash turned her attention back to Miranda. "I don't know how the hell you bugged my apartment, but if that vid goes anywhere other than your deleted folder, then I swear you won't even see the fucking shot coming. No questions asked...one of the perks of being a Spectre."

Ash knew she was going too far, but she didn't care in the slightest. Just with her presence, Miranda Lawson managed to make her feel insignificant – even more so than years of constantly being shunted to backwater postings by her superiors. She loathed everything the woman stood for.

"You didn't watch that vid did you?" Miranda asked, the smile lingering at the corners of her lips.

"And I suppose you did?" Ashley threw the question back at her. Her furious tone was merely an effort to hide her embarrassment. The thought of anyone seeing her private moments, let alone Miranda Lawson, left her feeling stripped bare – much as she no doubt was in the video. She had a brief flash of memory – her naked body framed in a mirror as she knelt on her bed. Her dark hair wild was about her face as her hips rocked, pistoning the fake cock deep inside with each thrust. Her cheeks burned and she looked away from Miranda with a defiant expression on her face.

"Watching a cat jump into a box isn't really my thing," Miranda replied with a diminutive shrug.

Ashley stiffened as a chill enveloped her body. She stared hard at the other woman. "What?"

Miranda grinned and shook her head. "You really think I would bug a Spectre's apartment for the sole reason of capturing incriminating vids...well of course I would, but that's beside the point. I didn't bug your apartment, Williams." Ashley's mouth was currently working soundlessly as Miranda continued, "I merely made a couple of reasonable deductions – long-term single, recently returned to active duty after injury, approaching sexual prime...and of course straight women love a good sized toy-"

"_You_..." Ashley clenched both her fists until her nails dug into her palms. Of course she hadn't watched the vid. _Why didn't I watch the damn vid?_ "You are an unbelievable piece of work, Miranda Lawson!"

The other woman was completely unrepentant as she ran the tip of her tongue over her upper lip. She uncrossed her arms and propped one hand on her hip. "Self-gratification is nothing to be ashamed of. Although I must admit my curiosity has made my imagination run rampant."

"Why did you do it?" Ashley realised she was subconsciously stroking her Carnifex and forced herself to stop.

Miranda dropped both hands to her sides and shrugged. "I knew you weren't about to give me access to the Spectre Terminal unless I could convince you in person."

"The Spectre Terminal?" Ashley asked. "That's what this is about? You want to use it to speak to Shepard?"

Miranda nodded. "Is that a yes?" she asked hopefully.

"What? No!" Ashley fired back. "There's absolutely no friggin' way I'm giving a known terrorist access to Spectre tech. Do you think I graduated from boot yesterday? You can skulk back into your shadows before I lock you up and throw away the key – another perk of being a Spectre."

Relieved to learn that the Cerberus bitch had absolutely nothing on her, Ashley turned to leave. She had not even managed a single step before Miranda's hand darted out and seized her wrist in a desperate grip. Angrily, she tried to wrench herself free but the grip was too strong and her effort was inexplicably half-hearted.

If it were possible the music within Purgatory suddenly increased tempo. The primal rhythms amped up to something approaching a lustful frenzy. In the pulsing glare of the lights, all Ashley could make out was a sea of heads and raised arms as sweaty dancers lost themselves in the sound. She stared, transfixed as restraints were abandoned and fears were banished. When she forced herself back into the moment, Miranda's touch felt as though it was branding her flesh but she still could not move. She could feel the other woman standing only scant centimetres behind her. When the grip on her wrist became one around her waist, Ashley's mouth went dry. Her entire body felt like putty as she was drawn backwards to close that last, crucial gap that separated her from Miranda. When she felt Miranda's breasts press up against her back and her thighs against her arse, Ashley let out a ragged exhale that sounded suspiciously like defeat.

_Shit, Williams_. She didn't dare move. _How many drinks did you have? There's loneliness and then there's fucking insanity. _The warmth created by the hand pressing gently into her stomach felt almost safe. _Swift, sharp elbow to the gut – disable her and get the hell out before she can react. Swift and sharp - _Then she felt Miranda's breath close to her ear once again and her knees started to go weak. _Shit..._

"I'm leaving the Citadel tonight but I need to be able to contact Shepard via a secure terminal when the _Normandy_ docks," Miranda said quietly. "The Spectre Terminal is the most secure on the Citadel and even I can't hack into it."

Ashley had to strain to hear her. She still didn't know why she was bothering to listen. "You worked for fucking Cerberus. Tell me again why I should help you."

"Yes, I worked for Cerberus." Miranda's sigh fell across her skin. "I respect your right to hate me for that, but Shepard is the only friend I have. I know you don't think much of me, but that friendship means everything to me. I'm asking you to help me get in touch with her. I need to say goodbye. I have something to do…and where I'm going, I don't hold out much hope of coming back."

Her reaction to Miranda's admission surprised Ashley. She felt a twinge of regret and a strange desire to ensure that she did not die. Ashley closed her eyes, seeking to understand the confusion that was invading her thoughts. Several minutes earlier she would have happily shot Miranda Lawson herself, now the prospect of her dying seemed – for lack of a better word - wrong.

When Ash found herself incapable of coming up with a reply, Miranda continued, "Look at them...soldiers, civilians...some of them might die tomorrow but they're here because they want to lose themselves in something mindless, they want to enjoy being alive purely for the sake of _living_. When was the last time you let yourself do that, Williams?"

"I-I..." Ashley struggled to form any sort of coherent sentence. She fumbled for something familiar to cling to. In her mind's eye she found herself lying prone on a silent rifle range. As she had been taught, she tried to slow her breathing to steady her aim. Somehow her training deserted her and she found that each of her carefully squeezed off shots missed the target completely. The highest rifle score in her intake, and now she couldn't shoot for shit. "No impact...no idea," she whispered.

Miranda didn't understand the reference, but she picked up on the intent. "Will you help me?"

Miranda's cheek pressed into the side of Ashley's neck and her lips moved against her ear as she whispered. The internal rifle range in Ash's head deserted her and instead she found herself alone with Miranda Lawson. In an irrational thought, she imagined taking hold of the hand pressed against her stomach and dragging it down between her legs. Ashley's lips parted subconsciously and she turned her head so that Miranda could hear her reply.

"Yes," she breathed. She was achingly aware that if she turned her head just that fraction farther, their lips would meet. In that instant, everything could have descended into uncharted territory as she unwound completely. However Ashley's eyes snapped open and she turned back to face the dancing crowd. Her breath came in shallow gasps and she felt embarrassed at the fact that Miranda could sense the effect she had on her.

"Thank you," Miranda said. "I promise I'll pay you back somehow."

"Fuck off, Miranda." Despite her best efforts, Ashley's response carried little authority.

"I was duplicitous in enlisting your help and I am sorry." Miranda's tone carried with it a surprising honesty. "I'll leave you alone now. Unless of course..."

The unspoken invitation was so blatant Miranda may as well have said it aloud. A dozen reactions played in Ashley's head – including the one where she invited the ex-Cerberus operative back to her apartment. Ashley had never been confronted with a situation that would led to her fucking another woman, at least not one as obvious as the one in which she found herself. If she was honest, her reluctance had nothing to do with the fact that Miranda was a woman. First and foremost, she'd worked for fucking Cerberus.

While one voice was telling the marine to spin around and find out exactly what those damn lips tasted like, another was yelling at her to run like hell. In the end, the reaction that won out was complete inaction. Ashley remained immovable, her stare fixed at some unimportant point in the distance.

Then the warmth of Miranda's body was gone. If it was possible, Ashley was both intensely relieved and bereft at the same time. Each breath that came from her throat was laboured and her mouth was dry again. She needed another drink...or something that had the distinct possibility of being even more soothing.

However when Ashley finally summoned the courage to turn around, the blue-eyed brunette had disappeared into the crowd. Ashley sighed. A part of her never wanted to see Miranda Lawson again.

Without fully realising what she was doing, a tremulous smile tugged at one corner of her lips for a few moments. The following scowl wiped it in an instant. "What the fuck did you do to me, Miranda Lawson?" Ashley muttered under her breath as she headed straight to the bar in search of that drink.


	2. Don't Get Dead

**Chapter Two**  
**Don't Get Dead**

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: I owe you

I was going to say something flippant, but in light of what happened to the Citadel it doesn't seem right somehow. I know you think I'm a heartless bitch, but I still feel for the lives lost and I'm grateful that the Normandy was able to escape unscathed (after all, it's carrying two of my favourite people in the galaxy).

I'll settle for saying thank you. It meant a lot to be able to contact Shepard before I set out. If, by some miracle, I manage to pull this off without winding up dead, I hope you'll let me thank you in person.

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: RE: I owe you

You don't owe me anything, Lawson.

So you bought me a drink and I helped you out ONCE. That does not make us friends and it certainly shouldn't make me one of your two favourite people in the galaxy (unless I've completely read that the wrong way and you're into Vega or Traynor). In fact, I'm pretty sure that entire stunt in Purgatory was solely so you could get what you wanted – congratulations. You can thank me by staying the hell away from me.

P.S. Vega needs to trim his ear hairs and Traynor is a genuinely good person who should never have to come into contact with the likes of you.

P.P.S. Wherever the hell you're going, don't get dead…please.

[end message]

* * *

**Horizon, Iera System**

_{Welcome to Sanctuary. You have reached safety. There is no war here. We offer food, medical supplies and shelter to all. Please proceed to the registration desk where your needs will be assessed and we will help you. You are safe-}_

The speaker broadcasting the message was suddenly torn apart by two successive pistol shots. Only a few wires and a tangle of blackened metal remained when Miranda Lawson reholstered her Carnifex.

"Go fuck yourself, Father," Miranda said aloud as she pushed further into the atrium. "You won't be luring any more colonists to play in your sick game."

Before her impulsive act could draw any attention, Miranda broke into a nimble jog, deftly avoiding dead Cerberus troopers as she moved. So far throughout the war she had done nothing except hide in the shadows, running for her life from the Illusive Man's assassins. She was determined that, even if she did nothing else or died in the attempt, she would bring her father's operation down. Miranda had little desire to die. With her perfect genes she could naturally live until she was over two hundred years old, but living that long life without purpose or meaning, would be worthless. The one thing she did not allow herself to dwell on was the brusque, no-nonsense visage of Ashley Williams. She knew that if she allowed herself to give over to those particular thoughts, her desire to live would outweigh her mission. _You should have kissed her while you had the chance, Lawson, _she told herself as she ran. _Regardless of whether or not she punched you afterwards, it would have been worth it. _

While Miranda had no doubts that she could handle herself against most of the Reapers that had invaded Sanctuary, she had absolutely no desire to go up against a Brute or one of the asari monsters on her own. She kept to maintenance shafts as she moved through the complex and managed to avoid all but a few pockets of Cannibals and Marauders. At one point she found a husk had crawled into the shaft behind her, but she threw it backwards with her biotics and fired two quick shots into its chest. They were all secondary casualties, the real focus of her mission remained Henry Lawson and putting a stop to what he had created on Sanctuary. Her resolve was only strengthened when she passed the tanks holding dead and dying colonists whose bodies were grotesquely transformed. All innocent people slaughtered at the altar of her father's deranged ideals.

She found Henry Lawson in the control tower. It was easier than she had expected – almost too easy. With his security in tatters in the wake of the Reaper attack, his surveillance systems were probably blind to her approach. It wasn't until she was standing behind him with a biotic field dancing across her fingertips that she realised he had been expecting her all along.

He did not even turn away from his work as she purposefully tapped her foot on the floor to get his attention. "It's good to see you, Miri."

"Don't call me that," Miranda snarled. She had been determined not to lose her temper, but her resolve fell to pieces in the presence of the man who had created her in his image - the first of his dynasty.

Henry Lawson turned. There was several days' worth of stubble growth on his face and he looked haggard and old. Nevertheless, there was a small smile on his face. "Why not? You're my little girl…my Miri."

With a savage growl, Miranda unleashed the warped fields with a thrust of her arm. They smashed into one of the overhead consoles, showering the elder Lawson in sparks as it exploded. He merely laughed as though she were a child that had just demonstrated some particularly precocious talent.

"I see you have lost none of your spirit!" he chortled as he brushed a few glowing embers from his sleeve. "You look a little worse for wear though, have you not been sleeping well, my daughter?"

Miranda was incensed that he would still presume to call her that. "I ceased to be your daughter the day I ran away from home amidst a hail of gunfire. Now I'm just another name on the long list of your enemies."

"Miri, don't be ridiculous-"

Another biotic attack, another console exploding above Henry Lawson's head. "Shut the fuck up, old man."

Her father's face twisted into a sneer at the unbridled vehemence in her tone. "You always were an ungrateful little slut. I thought giving you everything you wanted, catering to your every need, would see you grow into a dutiful daughter. How wrong I was. You grew wild and completely obstinate." He shook his head as he stared at her. "I remember a time when I still laboured under the false impression that you were good and pure, then I found out you'd been fucking one of the servants. He was nothing more than a chauffeur for god's sake, Miranda! Yet you let him mount you like some common whore."

"Henry, you pathetic moron." Miranda laughed contemptuously at his indignation. "Jason was merely the first one you found out about. Remember Dr Fox? Red-hair, glasses? Worked in R & D at Lawson Labs? You were always harping on about what a prodigy he was."

The elder Lawson's eyes narrowed. "That little bastard stole everything he'd been working on, sold it to the highest bidder – one of my fiercest competitors. It took me fucking years to recover what I'd lost."

"It's amazing what you can convince someone to do when you look like me." Miranda knew she currently looked a little shit, but that was beside the point. She thoroughly enjoyed watching a furious expression spread across her father's face. "Oh, father, don't look so disappointed. You're the one that gave me these gifts. You can't be angry just because I used them to my own advantage. How do you think I finally managed to escape you?"

"My own damn security chief?" Henry demanded as realisation struck. "I spent years wondering how the hell you had managed to circumvent some of the most sophisticated systems ever created and escaped unscathed from a shoot-out with guards who were ex-special forces. All along the simple explanation was that you used your tits to seduce that dyke."

Miranda ran the tip of her tongue over her upper lip when she remembered the tall, muscular woman with a buzz cut and the N7 logo tattooed onto her shoulder blade. "And my cunt, Henry. Don't forget that's perfect too."

"You filthy little-"

Summoning a much larger field, Miranda unleashed it without hesitation on Henry Lawson. It caught him full across the chest, hurling him back toward the window behind him. His back slammed into the glass with enough force to cause several cracks. Dazed by the impact, he started to slump towards the ground. Miranda was on him before he could fall. Trussing him up with her biotics, she hauled him back up until only the tips of his toes were touching the ground. It wasn't necessary to hold him in place, but she wrapped one hand around his throat for the sheer hell of feeling her thumb digging into his windpipe.

"Miri…please!"

Her only reply was to jam her thumb savagely into his skin as she forced him harder against the window. The cracks in the glass lengthened audibly.

"For god's sake, I'm the only family you have!" he gasped.

Miranda's mind travelled to the moment where she had stepped across and planted a light kiss on the corner of Shepard's mouth on the Presidium Commons. The exact moment when she realised that she had finally made a friend. "That's where you're wrong, Henry. I have people out there that actually give a fuck about me. When I throw you off this tower, no one is going to mourn you."

Behind Henry Lawson the cracks in the glass continued to move outwards, accompanied by several loud pops. A harsh odour assaulted her nostrils and she looked down to see a dark stain spreading out across his trousers.

"Go on, say something else," Miranda hissed. "Anything...please. Push me over the edge, _father_."

She was watching the fear steadily take hold in Henry Lawson's gaze when she was suddenly propelled backwards. Although she didn't make a habit of it, Miranda knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of a biotic attack. Her back slammed against a console on the opposite side of the room. With the air driven from her lungs, Miranda collapsed to the floor. She was dragging herself back to her feet when she lifted her gaze to find herself staring down the barrel of a pistol. When she focused on the individual holding the weapon, she found herself staring into a pair of blue eyes that were the coldest she had ever seen. They belonged to an asari Miranda did not recognise.

"Oh thank goodness!"

Her father peeled his body away from the cracked window as a second figure approached. Miranda looked past the pistol in her face to see the masked figure of Kai Leng. The assassin scanned the room, his blank gaze passing from Henry to Miranda in one ominous sweep.

"Where the hell have the two of you been?" Henry demanded. He stabbed his finger in Miranda's direction. "This crazy bitch was seconds away from murdering me."

"We were occupied," Kai Leng murmured, barely paying attention to the shrieking fool behind him. His gaze was fixed squarely on the daughter who was still in a half-crouch.

"Cerberus doesn't pay you to be _occupied_ when you're supposed to be protecting me!" he yelled. Spittle formed at the corner of his mouth as he ranted. "Your boss will hear about this, about how you and that blue bitch over there left one of his closest associates open to attack."

"I'm sure," Kai Leng replied.

The assassin gave Miranda a long, steady stare. Even though his eyes were merely twin slits of light, she knew in that moment exactly what he was there to do. Henry Lawson was hovering just behind Kai Leng, still ranting, possessing not the faintest clue of what was about to happen.

When Kai Leng moved, Miranda was not even sure that she had seen the sword pierce her father's body. One minute he was standing upright, the next he was bent forward staring at the hilt of the katana sticking out of his chest and the hand that held it. Any satisfaction that Miranda might have felt at seeing her father gutted on the end of a sword was tempered by the fact that she had wanted to kill him herself. As soon as the Cerberus assassin withdrew the sword in one quick jerk, her father sank to his knees. His expression was set into a mask of disbelief. Even as he was dying, he could not comprehend the fact that the Illusive Man had declared him expendable. He wavered on his knees as blood bubbled forth between his lips. As Miranda watched, in one fluid motion Kai Leng spun lightly on his feet. His katana flashed as it moved in a perfectly positioned arc, the tip a narrow smile across her father's throat. While it was not deep enough to sever his head, a bright spray of blood accompanied his falling body. Henry Lawson was dead before his body hit the ground.

"No tears for your father?" the asari's voice was as smooth as silk and hard as diamond.

"He was not my father," Miranda said. She warily watched the asari out of the corner of her eye, but her main focus was on Kai Leng. "He was my creator."

With just the one attack, she had barely gauged the strength of the asari's biotics. However, without a doubt she was strong, possibly even stronger than Miranda herself. She knew enough of Kai Leng to know that he was the Illusive man's best assassin. One-on-one, Miranda knew that she would struggle against either. However with the pair of them together, any offensive move on her part would be nothing short of suicide. As she drew in a shallow breath, she weighed up her meagre options. There was very little point in keeping them talking. What would she be stalling them for? She'd come alone without informing anyone of her plan, no back-up was on its way. Likewise with begging for mercy, she already knew the Illusive Man wanted her dead. Enough assassins had tried and failed over the preceding months – several of them had even been half-decent.

"I would say thank you," Miranda began. Her legs were starting to cramp from the crouch she remained in. "But you spoiled my private party."

Kai Leng may have been opening his mouth to reply, or he may merely have been laughing at her, however Miranda acted in that split second. Instead of rising to her feet in the expected move, she drove her body downwards into a roll and took the asari's legs out from beneath her. Before Kai Leng could react she overloaded his shields. Pinioned in place for a few scant seconds, Miranda used them to draw her pistol. However her carefully targeted shots merely slammed into the barrier the asari had already erected around herself. Miranda did not pause long enough to curse the fact that she had been a fraction too slow, she was already moving. Kai Leng's flashing blade narrowly missed carving one of her arms off as she twisted. She threw Warp at the moment that the asari dropped her barriers to move position. The field caught her, sending her flying over one of the consoles.

However when she shifted her focus back to Kai Leng, she found herself with nowhere to manoeuvre. Even as she decimated the remainder of his shields with a second Overload, he sprang toward her. Miranda lifted the Carnifex in her hand but the solitary shot she squeezed off merely winged him in the shoulder. With a grunt of effort, she forced him back with her biotics at the moment his blade thrust across the distance between them. Had his strike not been unbalanced, it would have pierced her gut with a fatal wound. Twisting as she was, it drove into her right side. The cry of pain from her lips was accompanied by a savage wave of biotic energy that smashed into the assassin's body. As was knocked backwards, Miranda slipped to the ground utterly spent. The pain arcing across her right side was severe as she jammed her palm into the wound to stem the bleeding.

"It's fucking Shepard and her cronies!"

It was the asari yelling from the other side of the room. She must have been staring at one of the video feeds that were still functional. As she dragged herself behind a nearby console, Miranda tried to suppress the hope that had kindled. While she still wasn't entirely sure whether Ashley Williams would mourn or rejoice at her death, the post-script of her last message was etched behind Miranda's vision. The simple 'don't get dead' had to mean that the soldier cared. _Didn't it?_

Through half-lidded eyes, Miranda peered around her cover and watched as Kai Leng hauled himself to his feet. He threw a dangerous look in her direction but he was already moving away.

"We need Lawson's data!" he barked at his companion. "Leave the bitch to bleed out."

For a brief moment Miranda thought that she could lift her Carnifex and pump several shots into Kai Leng as he turned his back on her. However the pistol merely twitched in her palm as her strength ebbed away. Her vision started to haze, folding in on her as she slumped face forward to the ground.

* * *

Ashley Williams wasn't sure exactly what to expect when the elevator door opened at the top of the control tower, but her senses were keenly attuned and her entire body tensed for the anticipated encounter with Kai Leng and Isini Aegir. She turned her head slightly and met Liara's gaze, the asari responded with a determined nod. On the far side of the elevator, James Vega was stretching his neck right and left as though he was preparing for an energetic bout in the ring. Nearest the door, as always, Shepard stood with the stock of her assault rifle jammed against her shoulder in preparation. Everything about that simple picture of the Commander radiated strength and confidence. Ashley forced her breathing to slow and she lifted her own rifle to her shoulder, grateful that the Valkyrie's muzzle did not waver.

When the door opened and the four-man squad filed out in perfect tactical formation the resulting silence was something of an anti-climax. Through her line of sight, the first thing Ashley noticed was a crumpled body lying face-down, wearing a black and white uniform. Within the space of a second, Ashley ignored all of her years of training and experience. Without pausing to analyse the situation or check for further threats, she forced her way past Shepard and scrambled the short distance that separated her from the prone form of Miranda Lawson.

Nothing made sense in those few seconds – not the irrational fear that twisted her stomach into knots, nor the other, stranger emotions that she could not even begin to process in that short space of time. Ashley crashed to her knees at Miranda's side. When she saw the small pool of blood that had formed beneath the other woman's body, she had to stifle a cry. With both hands gently grasping at her body, she rolled her over. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Miranda's pain-glazed eyes blink several times. A dark stain had spread out across Miranda's right side.

"I thought I told you not to get dead, Lawson," Ashley whispered as she fumbled in her webbing for an application of medigel.

"Thought you wanted to-" Miranda winced as Ashley shifted her slightly. "-stay the hell away from –" She suddenly cried out in pain as Ashley grasped the rent in her uniform and tore it open to reveal the stab wound. "Fuck!" Miranda tilted her head back and closed her eyes.

"Sorry." Ashley winced as she applied the gel as cautiously as possible to both the entry and exit wound. "I haven't got the gentlest hands."

For several moments Miranda felt her consciousness start to erode beneath the onslaught of intense pain to the point where she feared she might pass out. However, her laboured breathing gradually slowed as the anaesthetic started to work. She was aware of Ashley shifting her so that her head was propped up in her lap. When she opened her eyes again, she found the marine staring down at her with an unashamedly relieved expression on her face. For the first time, Miranda was aware that there were others in the room besides Ashley. She saw Shepard checking the body of Henry Lawson and scowled.

"Don't bother," she said in a bitter voice.

When Shepard looked across at her, Miranda's first instinct was to ask whether she was okay. The Commander looked pale and drawn. Her scars were even more advanced than they were on the day Miranda had woken her on Lazarus Station. "Miranda?"

"The bastard's dead." Miranda thought her voice sounded relieved to her own ears. "Kai Leng gutted him like the pig he is."

Shepard slowly stood, leaving Henry Lawson's corpse at her feet. "And Kai Leng?"

"Gone...him and the asari. I tried to stop them, but he carved me up too. I guess your arrival scared them off before they could finish me." Miranda wasn't keen to relive those last few moments during which she had faced the two Cerberus assassins alone. Her gaze instinctively travelled back to Ashley. The marine's head was tilted up as she focused on Shepard. From her viewpoint, Miranda's eyes lingered on her sharp jaw line. She noticed a smudge of dirt on her creamy skin.

"Gone," Shepard whispered as she crossed the room. "What the hell was your father doing here, Miranda?"

As Shepard knelt in front of her, Miranda used one arm to try and lever herself into a sitting position so she could look the other woman in the eye. However she found Ashley restraining her with a firm but gentle pressure. For a moment her eyes flashed dangerously, she didn't need to be told what to do.

"Hey, don't move," the marine said far too softly for Miranda's anger to heighten further.

Miranda swallowed awkwardly. "I'm fine." She was well aware that Shepard was suddenly paying attention to their strange behaviour. However nothing could convince her that she wanted to be anywhere other than lying in Ashley's lap. "My father was working with the Illusive Man, they were trying to-" _Fuck_! Another stab of pain shot through her body as she overestimated her strength. "-study ways to control Reapers by using those people they lured here as test subjects. By god, Shepard, when I found out my father was working with the Illusive Man on a project, I knew I had to shut him down...I never expected him to be capable of this though."

"What did this have to do with Aegir and Kai Leng?" It was Liara who spoke up.

"My father's research data...and tying up loose ends." Miranda jerked her head contemptuously toward the body of Henry Lawson. She almost smirked when she relived the moment that he realised he was expendable. "I'm fucking pissed that I didn't get to do it myself."

Miranda knew that the _Normandy _squad would find no trace of the research data within the systems, but they searched anyway. She turned her full attention back to the marine hovering protectively over her. Her lips creased into a smile.

_Shit_, Ashley thought as Miranda's smile made her feel things she hadn't felt for a hell of a long time. _You're just concerned for the wellbeing of another person, Ash. That's all there is to it. _Even as Ashley tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew that her reaction to Miranda's crumpled body had gone beyond mere concern.

"You're wrong you know," Miranda said quietly. "You do have gentle hands. They're steady…probably what makes you such a damn good shot."

Ashley knew that if she examined her palms she would find the calluses that were the result of years spent with a rifle in her hands. She'd never really cared what they looked like. Her nails were always cropped brutally short. Almost absently, she found herself wondering what Miranda's hands looked like…and how they would feel on her skin. Her cheeks suddenly burned and she cast a quick glance toward the rest of the squad. Shepard, Liara, and Vega were all too busy to notice the turmoil she was in. When she looked back down at Miranda, the wounded woman was staring up at her with her damn liquid blue eyes. She appeared slightly groggy from the anesthetising effects of the gel. Her hair looked as though it had not been washed in a week. It hung in lank strands, framing a pale face that was covered in smudges of blood and dirt. Yet somehow Miranda still managed to look perfect.

"And you didn't read my message wrong." Miranda continued when Ashley remained stubbornly silent. "Shepard is my second favourite person in the galaxy…and you're the first."

"Fuck you, Lawson," Ashley whispered in a barely audible voice. She eventually straightened with determination. "Come on, we need to get you back to the _Normandy_ asap, you're obviously delirious."

Miranda initially insisted on trying to walk herself, however her steps resembled those of a drunkard even though she was supported Ashley and Vega. While she could no longer feel her wound, the loss of blood had sapped most of her strength. Eventually Vega hauled her up in his burly arms. He was surprisingly gentle as she looped her arm around the back of her neck. With her head leaning against his shoulder, she could see Ashley hovering protectively just behind them.

By the time they reached the LZ, Miranda had almost fallen asleep in Vega's arms. Ashley helped lower the ex-Operative down onto a seat in the shuttle before sitting herself. Without waiting for an invitation, Miranda's head lolled against her shoulder. In an effort to make her a little more comfortable, Ashley lifted her arm and draped it securely over her shoulders. She thought she heard Miranda sigh as she nestled against her hardsuit. Before she knew entirely what she was doing, Ashley turned her head and deposited a light kiss on the top of Miranda's head. She was surprised at how natural the movement felt. When she caught herself lingering, inhaling the mixture of sweat and musky fragrance that was unique to Miranda, she quickly moved her head.

A few moments later she caught Shepard staring at her. Ash wasn't sure how to interpret the expression she found on the Skipper's face but her immediate conclusion was that it was either hostility or disbelief. She tilted her chin upwards and fixed her own features into a defiant mask, daring Shepard to call bullshit on what she was seeing. Ashley had absolutely no idea how she would defend the relationship because she didn't understand it herself. Even as Shepard responded with a tired but genial nod, Ash was still trying to work out exactly how she managed to find herself in her current predicament. All she knew for sure was that she was Miranda Lawson's favourite person in the galaxy…and that felt incomprehensibly marvellous.


	3. Your Guns are Dirty

**Chapter Three  
****Your Guns are Dirty**

**********2185 CE**

**Horizon, Iera System**

The sigh of relief escaped her lips all too readily when Horizon's GARDIAN batteries finally opened up. Miranda Lawson watched with satisfaction as the short-range lasers slammed into the irregular hull of the massive Collector vessel. Like a wounded animal, the vessel tore free of its mountings and began to claw its way back into the sky with over a third of Horizon's colonists on board. It was harried at every step by the lasers. In the brief moments before Shepard and Garrus stirred from cover, the Cerberus Operative pressed her cheek against the cool metallic surface of the storage crate she had used as shelter from the devastating attacks of the Praetorian. Miranda had pushed both her biotic and tech powers to the limit. She just needed a minute to restore her usually composed demeanour before she faced the others.

"Miranda?"

Shepard's shout reverberated out across the battlefield and interrupted her moment of respite. After dropping into several hot zones with the Commander, Miranda had learned that the soldier's first instinct after a fire fight was to ascertain the welfare of her squad. Whether it was just a quick glance or a few brusque words, Shepard never failed to live up to her heroic status. It was all instinct of course. The woman didn't do it on purpose, but it was annoying all the same. Miranda had spent too long as part of Cerberus, an organisation where soldiers were expendable assets as opposed to individuals. This part of her had come to loathe the concern implicit in the other woman's tone. It made her feel like she was some kid who was incapable of taking care of herself. She could barely remember a time in her life when she had been either a kid, or unable to defend herself.

When she stood, she found Shepard walking toward her position, helmet tucked under her arm as she swiped a gloved hand across her sweaty brow. Miranda had to suppress the annoying response that her body had started making of late in response to the ex-Alliance marine. The attraction was purely sexual, driven by the fact that she several months had passed since her last partner on Lazarus Station. A small sigh escaped her lips. It was unlikely to be consummated as their professional relationship was strained at best and Shepard spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over her ex-lover, Liara T'Soni. Miranda had realised that she would probably have to rekindle the arrangement she had shared with Jacob Taylor. The man was handsome enough but also unfortunately exceptionally vanilla when it came to the bedroom.

"You okay, Miranda?"

Miranda jerked her head up. "What?" Shepard was speaking to her whilst she had been caught up in her own world. She gave a half-hearted nod. "I'm fine…of course."

"Are you sure? You just looked a little-" Shepard cut herself short when she recognised the resulting scowl on Miranda's face as her 'stop talking, Shepard' face. "Fine, suit yourself. You pass out, I'm not carrying your sorry arse back to the ship."

The cowardly mechanic interrupted any retort that Miranda may have wished to make. Her scowl deepened and she ignored the fool even as the Commander tried to pacify him. The man had lost most of his friends, fair enough, but he didn't have to make a big song and dance about it. He was racking him brain trying to remember where he recognised the name 'Shepard' when Miranda caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

"Commander Evan Shepard-"

At the unannounced presence, Miranda instinctively lifted her Carnifex. However she lowered it when she saw that the speaker was an Alliance marine. As she continued speaking in a richly-toned voice, a spark of recognition formed at the back of Miranda's mind.

"Captain of the Normandy. First human spectre. Saviour of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god-"

_Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams_. The name popped into Miranda's head even as Shepard eagerly stepped forward and embraced her old friend for several long moments. Miranda had seen several pictures of Williams – all official Alliance portraits, none of which did the statuesque woman any justice. As she withdrew from Shepard's arms, Miranda found her hungry gaze wandering over the marine's features – noting her piercing gaze and rather aristocratic nose. Her brown hair was swept back into a severe bun at the nape of her neck. This disappointed Miranda immensely as she imagined her hair to be thick and soft beneath her trailing fingers. _Stop that!_ She snapped inwardly, annoyed that things had become so desperate that she was now eyeing up anything with legs. Even as the thought crossed her mind, Miranda knew it wasn't true. She'd already discarded pretty much every member of the _Normandy's_ crew as a potential for the simple expedience of maintaining her status as the ice queen. The sole exceptions were Shepard herself, for the simple fact that the woman was an enigma, and Taylor because she'd already been there.

No, she wasn't attracted to anything with legs. There was some element of Ashley Williams' posture and the confident manner in which she held herself as she talked that drew her in like a moth to a flame…or perhaps a more apt metaphor would have been a hungry predator latching onto its prey. As Shepard and Williams talked, Miranda had already planned most of the seduction out in her head. Williams would agree to re-join the _Normandy's_ crew, Miranda would devote her limited spare time to seducing her and she wouldn't have to feel the constant pent up frustration of not being able to fuck Shepard. Matters would no doubt be complicated by the fact that the marine was obviously straight, but that was still a relatively minor hurdle.

Then all her carefully thought out plans had swiftly been unravelled when Williams noticed the Cerberus logo on Shepard's armour. Even as Shepard's voice remained calm and in control beneath the accusations, Miranda could hear the irrationality in the Alliance soldier's tone.

_Damn, she's hot when she's angry_, the thought crossed Miranda's mind and brought a smirk to her face. Williams chose that moment to look up. As fierce, blazing eyes met her own, Miranda's smirk impulsively turned into a smile. "Typical Alliance attitude," she said loudly enough for everyone to overhear.

"What the hell did you say?"

Williams' attention finally focused completely on her. There were a number of emotions flashing beneath that smouldering gaze. Anger of course, but also an underlying passion that held Miranda entranced. _Definitely not vanilla_, she mused.

"You heard me the first time," Miranda fired back.

"Come here and say that, you Cerberus cunt!" Ashley snarled in a dangerous voice.

Miranda instinctively responded with her biotics and an inviting gleam in her eyes. The thought of throwing the marine to the ground was an incredibly satisfying one. However before things could get further out of hand, Shepard stepped in between the pair of them. All Miranda could do was stare at Ashley's furious gaze over Shepard's shoulder and rue the fact that the Gunnery Chief would probably not be joining them on board the _Normandy_.

* * *

**2186 CE**

**SSV _Normandy_ SR-2**

Miranda's eyes snapped open. For a few brief moments she had absolutely no idea where she was. She even bordered on a bout of panic before she rolled her head to one side and saw the person slumped in a chair next to her bed. Clad in just her skin-tight bodysuit, still covered in the grime from Horizon, Ashley Williams had somehow managed to fall asleep with her head lolling back at an awkward angle. How she had remained upright on the narrow chair was also a mystery. Her mouth was open slightly and there was the soft sound of her breathing heavily – no doubt the sleep of someone who had pushed herself to the point of exhaustion.

_I'm back on the _Normandy_._ Miranda let out a shallow breath. She surprised just how sentimental that thought felt. It was almost as if she had come home. When she tried to move, she felt an odd pulling sensation at her side. Her hand travelled down her body until she found the tender wound made by Kai Leng's blade. _Of all the ways in which I could die, I was almost stabbed by a fucking sword_, she thought indignantly. Her anger swiftly dissipated as her gaze lingered on Ashley's sleeping face. It seemed almost implausible that she had even been attracted to the marine in the first place, especially after their confrontation on Horizon.

During the months that followed their first meeting on Horizon, a number of things had happened. Most significant was the spectacular combustion of her relationship with Shepard. Subsequently, she had pushed all thoughts of the encounter with the Alliance marine to the back of her mind, rekindling it only out our sheer desperation when she needed to get in touch with Shepard. In all truth, given the vehemence she had displayed toward Cerberus, Miranda was surprised that Ashley had even replied to her initial messages.

Upon seeing Ashley standing alone in Purgatory, leaning against the wall with a scowl fixed on her face, Miranda's initial attraction came flooding back. She was once again languishing through a dry spell in terms of partners, having been far too busy trying to stay ahead of the Illusive Man's assassins. A grin crossed her face when she remembered the palpable excitement of leaning in close and whispering in Ashley's ear. In fact, the entire encounter had been a thrilling challenge.

The smile was still fixed on her face when the door to the _Normandy's_ medbay opened and Dr Chakwas walked in. A genuine smile creased the older woman's face when she saw that Miranda was awake.

"How do you feel, Miranda?" the doctor called across the room.

At the first sound of Chakwas' greeting, Ashley's entire body spasmed. The marine jolted, narrowly avoiding falling off the chair in the moments before she was fully awake. When she saw that Miranda was awake and staring at her, she awkwardly rose to her feet. She looked as though being caught hovering protectively at Miranda's bedside was the last thing she wanted.

"A little sore, but nothing compared to how I would have felt if the_ Normandy_ had not shown up on Horizon," Miranda said. She glanced only briefly at Chakwas before her gaze instinctively returned to Ashley. The marine was slowly backing away with a panicked expression on her face.

"Glad to hear," Chakwas replied. "Williams hasn't left your side since you were brought on board."

Ashley paled noticeably. "Fell asleep," she muttered in an almost inaudible voice. "I…I need to get going."

"You don't have to leave," Miranda said as she propped herself up on one elbow.

The marine shook her head stubbornly. "I'm pretty busy. There are things…um guns that need to be cleaned. They're very, very dirty," Ashley said, her words tumbling over one another in the haste to escape her mouth. For a split second her eyes drifted over the paper-thin medical gown Miranda wore. Her cheeks coloured. "Very dirty."

The backs of Ashley's thighs hit a nearby biobed as she was attempting to make her escape. She glanced angrily over her shoulder and glared at Chakwas as though the doctor had deliberately put the bed in her path. Miranda had to stifle a laugh as she realised it would be premature to celebrate her victory when she had not actually won anything…not yet anyway.

"Um…clothes." Ashley jerked her head toward a pile of clothes sitting on the end of the bed. "Seeing as you don't have any. They're mine so they might be a little long given that I'm taller-" For some reason Ashley felt the need to act out her words with her hands "-and maybe tight across the chest given that you're-" She paused mid-motion with both hands hovering near her chest. The red hue in her cheeks deepened to crimson.

"I get the picture, Williams," Miranda said softly. "Thank you."

"S'okay…really." Even as the words left her lips, Ashley turned and made a beeline for the medbay door.

Feeling oddly jubilant despite the fact that a Cerberus assassin had made her a pin cushion, Miranda hauled herself into a sitting position with only a minimal amount of whimpering.

"That was odd," Chakwas commented on Ashley's abrupt departure. The doctor hovered nearby with a confused expression on her face.

Miranda turned and peered out of the open medbay windows. Obviously having forgotten that the room had windows at all, Ashley Williams had stopped in her tracks near the mess. Although Miranda could not see the marine's expression, it looked as though she had her hands pressed to her face. A few moments later she hit herself on the head with the palm of her hand before continuing toward the elevator at a determined pace.

"Like she said," Miranda replied with a small smile on her face. "Her guns are dirty."

* * *

In hindsight Miranda knew that it ought to have been relatively simple to move unseen from Liara's quarters back to the medbay. However she was still reeling slightly from the strange conversation that had just unfolded with the asari and Shepard. Instinctively she tucked her hands into the pockets of the soft hoodie that Ashley had loaned her as she walked. Dozens of different thoughts and emotions had passed through her mind upon seeing the image of the planet Alcyone on the screen – most of which she could not even explain to herself.

Three years ago she had spent a few weeks on the bleak planet whilst working for Cerberus. Although her memory could usually not be faulted, Miranda found that trying to remember specifics of what she had seen and done while she was there was next to impossible. The fact that there were entire gaps in her memory was distressing to say the least.

She was still mulling this over in her head on her way back to the medbay when a dark shadow blocked her path. Miranda looked up and found herself staring directly into the rather stormy visage of Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams. At some stage over the past two hours, the marine had managed to shower and change into a clean uniform. Her long, dark hair was still damp as it fell down to her shoulders.

"What the hell are you doing walking around?" Ashley demanded.

Miranda was surprised at the harshness evident in the other woman's tone. Her gaze darted left and right nervously but the few people in the mess were intent on eating rather than eavesdropping.

"I was just speaking with Liara," Miranda admitted defensively. "I didn't realise I was confined to the medbay."

"That bloody Cerberus bastard ran you through with a sword!" Ashley pointed out. "You should still be in bed not running all over the _Normandy_!"

Miranda turned and pointed to the door to Liara's quarters. "I went there. I didn't run, I walked at a very sedate pace." She turned back to Ashley and shrugged. "Besides, it was only a flesh wound and I heal faster than the average person."

"Only a flesh wound?" Ashley spluttered. "Get your ass back in there before I haul you in myself."

The ex-Operative couldn't resist raising her eyebrows as she studied the determined expression on Ashley's face. "So insistent. Careful, Williams, people might start to think that you care about me or something."

"That I care…" Ashley's voice trailed off during her reply. Her expression shifted several times over the space of only a few seconds.

Her initial determination softened to a look that was part confusion and part embarrassment. However she composed herself quickly and indignant anger replaced everything else. Without a further word, she reached out and wrapped her fingers around Miranda's upper arm, propelling her back into the medbay. Dr Chakwas was sitting at her desk when they entered. Given that she was an incredibly smart woman, she very quickly assessed the situation and rose gracefully to her feet. With some murmured word about finding something for lunch, Chakwas made her way out of her own medbay, discreetly closing the blinds on her way out.

Neither Ashley nor Miranda said a word, instead both were acutely aware of the door opening and closing. As soon as it locked shut, Miranda fiercely yanked her arm out of Ashley's grip. "You can't be that concerned about my welfare if you're manhandling me in such a fashion."

"Manhandling you?" Ashley replied in a low tone. The marine pressed a white-knuckled fist to her mouth for a few moments as though she was trying to stop herself from giving voice to her thoughts. She turned her back on Miranda and paced briskly.

"Williams?" Miranda thought the marine was going to walk out of the medbay.

Ashley spun on her heels. "What the hell kind of game are you playing at, Miranda?" she demanded. "I'm not some…toy to be used for your own personal fun. I'm a damn soldier, I've got a job to do and I can't afford to get caught up in the bullshit that seems to follow you wherever you go. So whatever it is you're doing, it has to stop now."

Miranda shook her head. "I'm not doing anything-"

"That night in Purgatory?" Ashley interrupted. "Calling me your favourite person on the _Normandy_? If that's not a game then I don't know what is!"

"Oh, Williams," Miranda murmured quietly. She fought and failed to stop the triumphant smile that appeared on her face. "You really are quite clueless aren't you?"

The words did not have the exact playful effect that Miranda desired as Ashley bristled noticeably. "Oh I'm so sorry that I'm not as brilliant as you, _Operative_ Lawson. Fine, I admit that I'm not smart enough to play along with you. So congratulations, you've made a complete ass out of the dumb grunt and I'm really happy that you can look so pleased about it."

"What game do you think I'm playing, Ashley?" Miranda kept her voice quiet and level as she switched tactics in an effort to placate the obviously agitated, angry marine.

The question obviously caught Ashley off guard. Her eyes bulged slightly as she tried to work out how to reply. She initially settled for single words and simple hand gestures. "You…me…" She pointed between the two of them. "_Us_." The pacing resumed with vigour as she continued talking. "I'm straight, Lawson…completely straight, which means that leading me on is just weird and pointless…and cruel!"

While Ashley's back was turned, Miranda closed the gap between the two of them. When the soldier turned again, she found herself toe to toe with the object of her frustration. Before she could continue her tirade, Miranda reached up, wrapped her fingers around the back of Ashley's neck and pulled the taller woman toward her with one determined tug. Ashley had only time to utter a small gasp of surprise before Miranda's lips closed over her own. The resulting flood of sensations were far too complex for her to interpret in those first moments as the other woman's lips moved in a sensuous, expert motions across her tender flesh. At first Ashley was too startled to respond. She stood like an immovable lump of flesh as Miranda used her other hand to wrap around her waist and bring their bodies together. As soon as Ashley felt Miranda's chest press up against her own and her thigh slip between her legs, she felt her defences crumble. She had very little idea what she was doing as she began to move her lips in response to Miranda's caresses. Operating by instinct, she followed Miranda's lead in an urgent, primal dance of fiercely heated breaths, wandering hands and inexplicable emotions.

Miranda's first instinct had been to truss Ashley up with her biotics and throw her onto the nearest bed. Instead she fought to keep her desire under control. It was difficult to say the least. She'd wanted to fuck Ashley almost from the moment she'd laid eyes on the brusque, no-nonsense soldier on Horizon almost a year earlier. However she knew that she was pushing well past the limits of Ashley's rigid boundaries. If she drove her too far, too quickly, then she'd rabbit and Miranda would lose her altogether. Even as she thrust her tongue into Ashley's mouth, she was thinking that losing her would go far beyond a lost opportunity.

As they drew apart to snatch a much needed breath, Miranda felt a thrill at the feel of Ashley's heated breath flowing across her lips. "Not so straight after all," she whispered.

She felt oddly under scrutiny as Ashley stared her in return. The marine reached up and ran a harsh thumb over her swollen lips before continuing up over the smooth skin of her cheek. Miranda had to resist the urge to lean into the touch. Without warning Ashley swept one hand under her thigh and lifted her up onto the nearby bed. Miranda only had time to see the passionate expression on her face before Ashley initiated the kiss. Pleasantly surprised, Miranda wrapped both her legs around the soldier's waist, keeping their bodies pinned together. While one of Ashley's hands was tangled in her hair, the other went to the zipper of the hoodie. She dragged in down urgently so her hands could burrow inside. A small gasp, half way between pleasure and pain left Miranda's lips as one of Ashley's hands closed over her breast through the t-shirt she wore. The tough was rough and hesitant at first, pinching and kneading desperately.

In the narrow space between their writhing bodies, Ashley trailed one hand down to the cargos Miranda wore. With eager fingers, she pulled and tugged at the button until it came free. The zipper was easier, sliding open to give her hand access to the heat between Miranda's legs. When her fingers scraped lightly against the cotton underwear, she felt a sharp intake of breath from the other woman. In that moment, with that action, Ashley finally acknowledged the intensity of the emotions she felt coursing through her body. Despite Miranda's insistent hands on her back, she froze. She drew away and saw Miranda open her eyes in confusion. The desire the other woman felt was clearly spelt out in her gaze. Ashley felt it too. She felt the urgent need to strip her clothes off and have Miranda's hands roaming over her naked body. However this desire wasn't what scared her as she stood in the medbay with her hand down Miranda's pants.

"Is something wrong?" Miranda asked in a whisper.

Ashley stubbornly shook her head. Her entire body trembled. "No…I just…" She tried to step back but Miranda's legs were still locked around her waist. "Please let me go."

"Ashley-"

"Miranda, please!" Her desperation was evident in her voice. Miranda quickly complied and Ashley took several hurried steps backwards, still shaking her head. "I just can't deal with this right now."

"Whatever it is, I'm sorry," Miranda said as she climbed down from the bed. "I thought you wanted-"

"Shit…yes, I do," Ashley interrupted to admit. "I just…I need some space to work out what the hell is happening here."

"Isn't is obvious?" Miranda asked. "I want you, Ashley Williams. When I first saw you on Horizon, even before you called me a Cerberus cunt, I wanted you. Unless I'm very much mistaken by that kiss and that look in your eyes, you want me too. It's just sex-"

Ashley scrubbed angrily at her forehead. "It's not _just sex_…not with you."

With Miranda staring at her with a confused expression on her face, Ashley turned and practically ran out of the medbay before the other woman could say anything further. All the while she grappled with the horrible realisation that she had somehow fallen in love with Miranda Lawson.


	4. A Williams Doesn't Cry

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed and faved/followed this little story so far - it's very much appreciated and I'm thrilled that I've managed to convert others to my odd pairing. Just a brief head's up/warning that this chapter contains Williamssexytimes™.

**Chapter Four  
****A Williams Doesn't Cry**

**SSV _Normandy_ SR-2**

Ashley Williams tried to stifle her cries behind firmly clenched teeth, but her attempts were futile in the face of the fire pulsing throughout her entire body. She had to abandon her own movements between the other woman's legs as her concentration narrowed to one single focal point – achieving orgasm. Her nails scraped against the glass behind her in those few seconds that she hovered on the brink.

"Oh…god," she hissed as she pumped her hips forward with an instinctive urgency. She was so close. Miranda Lawson's fingers dragged through her soaked core one last time and the dam broke spectacularly. "Ah…fuck!"

It was all she could do to cling to the other woman's body as she rode out the consuming waves of her orgasm. Her legs trembled unsteadily beneath her. They would have given way completely if not for the relief offered by being able to lean against the window behind her. As she felt the spasms gradually subside, she let out a long, slow sigh. When something approaching normal intelligence levels finally returned, Ashley remembered exactly how little time had passed between Miranda's first touch and the last that had driven her over the edge. An intense heat remained in her cheeks. When Miranda tried to kiss her, she gently twisted her head away.

"Ash? Are you okay?" Miranda sounded thoroughly confused.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Ashley mumbled, thoroughly embarrassed. She tried to straighten, but the weight of Miranda's body kept her pressed against the glass. The other woman's hand was still nestled between her legs as a glaring reminder of what had just happened. What made it worse was that she did not want her to remove it.

Miranda's weight and her hand were both suddenly gone as she drew back so she could look her in the eyes. "Okay…not what I was expecting you to say," she replied. "Did I hurt-"

"No," Ashley interrupted hastily. She felt like some inexperienced teenager all over again. It was almost too difficult to look Miranda in the eyes as she explained how embarrassment, "I…I couldn't hold on. I tried, but having you touch me like that was…too much."

Miranda's eyes suddenly widened in realisation. Then they softened to twin pools of luminous blue as she stroked Ashley's cheek with a sweaty palm. "Oh, Ash, you have nothing to be sorry about – quite the opposite really. I've never been with someone who has wanted me that badly...or that honestly. You have no idea how refreshing it is."

A tremulous smile started to crease Ashley's lips. "You're just saying that."

"It's not like I have to be nice to you to get into your pants," Miranda quipped playfully. She resumed stroking Ashley's damp centre with the palm of her hand and earned a sharp intake of breath from the other woman.

"Miranda, you keep doing that and I'll be on the floor in one very large puddle," Ashley whispered helplessly.

"I fail to see the problem with that," Miranda replied as she almost cruelly intensified her efforts.

"Ugh." Ashley tried to find words but was annoyed that all she could find were incoherent sounds. She had to fight to keep her hips still. When she swallowed, her throat was bone dry. "Miranda…please, you keep doing that and I'll never be able to do the same for you."

With a grin playing at the corners of her mouth, Miranda slowed her movements and studied Ashley's red-cheeked face. "What do you want to do for me?"

"Oh god, you're not going to make me spell it out?" Ashley demanded in horror. However the other woman's gaze remained locked insistently on hers, compelling her merely with a decidedly evil gleam within her eyes. Ashley eventually groaned softly and swallowed again. Without even thinking about what she was doing, she placed both her hands on Miranda's body. As her fingers and palms began to trace delicate paths over the silky skin beneath, she found a measure of determination. She lowered her lips to Miranda's ear, nibbling it slightly before speaking in an almost shy voice. "I want to make you come."

With those simple words Miranda Lawson almost lost her own tenuous control over her body. Even with her numerous past experiences, she was undeniably more turned on than she had ever been in her life. Her core ached for some form of friction, but she resisted the urge to seize Ashley's fingers and drag them downwards. "How?" Miranda asked as a delicious thrill ran down her spine.

"I-I…" She heard Ashley nervously fumble for the necessary words, even as she continued to touch her. "I think I want…I want to taste you."

_Oh Fuck_. Ashley's suggestion was…unexpected. Miranda could only nod in hasty agreement as the brunette orchestrated a reversal in their positions. Her body melded against the glass, sharing the same sweat-stained space that Ashley had just occupied.

The way the other woman touched her was unlike anything she had experienced – it was hesitant and yet achingly intimate at the same time. It was as though each stroke, each touch, was carefully planned and thought out before it was made. Although she could feel each callus on Ashley's hands, the touch was still unexpectedly gentle. As Ashley's hands trailed over her breasts and stomach, it was all Miranda could do to close her eyes and press her naked body back against the window behind her. Small moans kept escaping from her throat despite her best efforts to remain composed.

With the first tentative touch of Ashley's tongue against her sex, an unrestrained groan of longing escaped from her lips. She tangled her fingers in Ashley's long dark hair, holding her gently in place as she leaned back against the window. Eventually the light, exploratory strokes of Ashley's tongue became firmer as the noises Miranda was making obviously buoyed her confidence. With one strong hand, she drew Miranda's legs further apart, even going as far as to prop one up on the window's ledge so she could gain greater access. Miranda could only comply as she was completely malleable beneath her touch.

Miranda feared she was tugging on Ashley's hair, but she had very little control over her own body. As Ashley eventually ceased exploring her folds to concentrate solely on her clit, nothing else mattered.

"Fuck…Ash, you're going to make me come," she gasped pointlessly.

By the time Ashley gently teased one finger up into Miranda's slick cunt, it was almost game over as she finally thawed beneath her lover's touch.

* * *

Her sleeping cot was so narrow that Ashley knew Miranda was gone before she returned to full consciousness. When she had fallen asleep several hours earlier, she had been intimately aware of their limbs tangled together. It was difficult to concentrate on anything else whilst her lover's thigh was still jammed between her legs, slick with sweat and the tell-tale evidence of how satisfying the sex had been. Had Ashley not been so exhausted after the chaotic whirlwind of events that had happened on Alcyone, then she would have continued trying to slake the desire that raged in the pit of her stomach. As it was, she'd very quickly succumbed to sleep almost as soon as she collapsed onto the cot.

As she clung to the last vestiges of sleep, Ash lingered in that place of content that was a luxury often denied to soldiers. She stretched languorously, her toes curling as her long legs extended and her arms pressed against the bulkhead behind her. With Miranda gone from the cot, a slight chill crept hung on her skin. A half-hearted search for a blanket whilst keeping her eyes closed turned up nothing so she burrowed into her mattress and hoped that Miranda would not be long. As she waited, she could not help but dwell on what had passed between them in those hours since their return from Alcyone. With Javik's accusation of Indoctrination hanging over her, Miranda had not held back at any stage. Ashley's cheeks coloured as she remembered the raven-haired woman's intense passion and the way she'd used her fingers, tongue and her entire body to coax her to somewhat dizzying heights. Given that she was in an indulgent mood, Ashley was fervently hoping to have time for another round before they had to drag themselves back to reality.

Several minutes passed. Ashley grew colder and Miranda did not return from the bathroom. Eventually her eyes opened and she scanned the darkened room for a few moments. With barely a pause in her movements, the soldier suddenly lifted her body into a sitting position and swung her feet to the cold floor. Her foot locker was open when she clearly remembered closing it after retrieving her t-shirt and boxers. Knowing that Miranda could not possibly have gone far without her supervision, Ashley rose to her feet and hastily dressed herself in her uniform. All the while she refused to give any thought to the growing disquiet gnawing at her stomach.

The mess deck was oddly empty as Ashley passed on her way to the elevator. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and noticed that several crew members were being helped into the medbay. She could hear the strained tones of Dr Chakwas' voice whilst the door was open – clearly the _Normandy's_ doctor was under a lot of stress.

"EDI, where is Miranda Lawson?" she demanded, pausing as she watched the medbay doors slide closed.

_{Ms. Lawson is in the medbay,}_ EDI replied calmly. _{Initial reports indicate that she has possible lacerations and a gunshot wound.}_

"How the hell…" Ashley whispered as she broke into a run.

The medbay doors opened and admitted her into the midst of a scene of minor chaos. Most of the patients were walking wounded, but one who was immediately recognisable to Ashley lay on one of the beds. Miranda was unconscious and ghastly shade of white. The white t-shirt she wore was stained with blood. Chakwas was in the process of ripping it away from another wound in her side.

"Miranda!" Ashley pushed her way through to the bed as Chakwas glanced over her shoulder. "What the hell happened?" she asked in a horrified voice.

"Surely you mean to ask what the hell _she _did?" someone said in an angry voice.

Ashley turned to see a rather groggy looking Sarah Campbell trying to prop herself up against one of the beds. The object of her scathing tone was clearly Miranda. Bethany Westmoreland was lying beside her on the bed, still unconscious although she appeared to have no visible injuries.

"What do you mean?" Ashley demanded. She did not wait for an answer from the Private before turning her attention back to Chakwas. "Doc, what the hell happened to Miranda?"

Dr Chakwas merely shook her head. "You need to get out of here, Williams. Please let me treat my patients."

"I'm not leaving until someone explains how Miranda ended up with a gunshot wound whilst still on-board the bloody _Normandy_!" Ashley was trying to reach Miranda's side when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She ignored whoever it was as she grabbed Chakwas by her upper arm. "Doc?"

"That bloody Cerberus bitch went apeshit, that's what," Campbell said in an acidic voice. "She shot up four marines in the cargo bay and took the damn Catalyst before trying to force her way past Bethany and I. One of us shot her in self-defence. I told the Commander she ought to have been locked up."

Ashley's mouth worked soundlessly even as the firm hand on her shoulder attempted to drag her backwards and away from her lover. Her gaze settled back on Miranda's pale features and she realised that there was blood smeared across one cheek. If only she could get close enough to wipe it off. She began to struggle.

"Someone get Williams out of here!" Chakwas demanded in a cold voice. She softened slightly when she saw the desperate expression on the marine's face. "Ashley…you need to leave so I can treat my patients, especially Miranda. She's lost a lot of blood but she'll be fine if you'll just let me work."

With a dumbfounded nod, Ashley stopped resisting as she was removed from the medbay. She stood by the window for a few moments, but the looks thrown in her direction by Sarah Campbell and several of the other wounded marines were unsettling to say the least. Eventually she turned and started toward the elevator at a jog.

"_That bloody Cerberus bitch went apeshit, that's what."_

Although she didn't believe a word of what Campbell had said, Ashley felt her stomach protest with the dread horror of it all.

"EDI, I need Shepard!" she barked.

Unperturbed by Ashley's rude tone, EDI replied, _{The Commander is currently in the War Room. Lieutenant-Commander Williams, I detect increased levels of stress in your voice. Can I be of assistance?}_

The marine couldn't get into the elevator and slam her fist against the controls fast enough. A part of her knew that she could ask EDI to explain what had happened, but the thought of actually having to listen to her emotionless voice was too much.

When Ashley emerged from the elevator, the CIC was almost empty save for Specialist Traynor standing at her station. Everything looked normal until Ashley noticed that Traynor wasn't making any attempt to actually work. She was simply standing, frozen in front of her console.

"Traynor?" Ashley's tone was far harsher than she had intended and the Specialist almost jumped a metre into the air at the obviously unexpected voice behind her. When she turned to face the LC, she was clutching her chest as though terrified. "Sorry, do you know where Shep-" Ashley cut herself short when she realised that one side of Traynor's uniform was covered in blood. From the way she had moved so swiftly, it obviously was not her own. "Sam, what the hell happened? Are you okay?"

The other woman nodded quickly. "Yes, ma'am. The blood, it's not mine…"

It was then that Ashley noticed she held something small in one of her fists. She soon recognised the object they had retrieved from Alcyone. "Why have you got the Catalyst?"

The Specialist's lower lip trembled for a few moments and she was unable to meet Ashley's gaze. Impatient enough to ignore Sam's obviously fragile nerves, Ashley darted forward and seized the poor woman by both shoulders. Sam uttered a sharp shriek out of fright before calming herself. Although the expression on Ashley's face scared her, she soon realised that it was one of desperation as opposed to anger. "You should talk to Shepard," she managed to say.

Ashley shook her head. "I need answers now, Sam. What happened? Why is Miranda lying in the medbay with a gunshot wound?"

"She took the Catalyst from the cargo bay," Sam replied in a hasty tone. "Shepard wouldn't listen to her so she had to take it. Um…she kind of held a gun to my head to force her way through the security scan but Campbell and Westmoreland opened fire instead." As Sam explained, she watched the desperate look on Ashley's face change to be replaced by one that was altogether unfathomable. It was distinctly unnerving as Sam was so used to the tall woman wearing her emotions like a badge. "Miranda was hit and I helped her through into the War Room-"

"You helped?" Ashley interrupted. She had to fight from looking at what was obviously Miranda's blood on Sam's uniform. "You mean she wasn't holding a gun to your head at that point?"

Sam shook her head. "No…she couldn't, she was too weak. I think…I believed what she said about trying to help Shepard."

"You believed her after she shot her way through half a dozen armed marines?" Ashley asked in a frightening voice. "Did she kill anyone?"

"No…I don't think so. The Catalyst was driving her to do it, I don't think she had much control over what she was-" Sam tried to continue but soon became clear that Ashley was no longer paying any attention.

The marine stumbled backwards as though she was drunk or about to vomit. All colour had drained from her face. "The Catalyst was driving her to do it?" she whispered. _She was supposed to be in my charge, I was accountable for her…all she needed to do was flash her damn tits and I lost it. _At once Ashley felt as though her stomach was about to expel its contents. She needed somewhere to run, but short of fleeing back the way she had come, there was nowhere to go. Her fists were clenched into two white-knuckled balls at her sides. Eventually she snapped, driving one into the side of Shepard's terminal.

"That fucking, two-faced bitch!" she hissed as a horrified Sam Traynor watched. Ashley studied her reddened knuckles but realised she felt no physical pain. _Oh god, I told her I loved her, _Ashley thought as the room started spinning.

"Ma'am...Ashley...you might want to sit down for a bit," Sam suggested in a quiet voice. "Shepard's called a full squad briefing in the War Room. I think she might be planning something pretty big."

The Specialist's words only dimly registered as Ashley lowered her body to the steps at the base of the Galaxy Map. She sat heavily, the same words stuck on repeat in her head -_ I told her I loved her. _

* * *

As soon as Shepard's briefing came to a close, Ash left the War Room feeling as though she had been stripped and flayed alive. In less than an hour the marine had learned that her indoctrinated lover had been using her and her best friend was going to have to sacrifice herself to defeat the Reapers. She almost vomited at the spatters of Miranda's blood still staining the floor in the security alcove as she passed through. Breaking into a run, she escaped into the solitude of the elevator. As soon as she slammed her fist into the mechanism, she collapsed against the wall. She instinctively folded her arms firmly across her chest in an effort to keep her entire body from trembling with a combination of rage and devastation.

The doors had almost closed when Shepard interrupted their closing movement and slipped inside. When faced with the Commander's concerned expression, Ashley struggled to compose herself. From the look on Shepard's face it was obvious that she thought she was heading down to the medbay to confront Miranda. The thought had crossed Ashley's mind, but she knew it was useless to rant at an unconscious woman.

"LC, she's sedated, it's not going to help-"

"I'm not going to the medbay if that's what you're trying to say," Ash interrupted in a purposefully curt voice. "I've got gear to sort out…provided you still want me on the mission to Intai'sei?"

"You know I do-"

"For the love of God, don't pity me, Shepard! You placed her under my watch." Ash stabbed herself hard in the chest with her finger. "And I let the bitch walk right out from under my nose. All it took was one quick fuck. You want to know what really takes the cake? I told her I loved her…some Spectre, huh?"

"Loving someone doesn't make you any less of a soldier, Ash," Shepard replied in a damnably soft voice. "Miranda's indoctrination had nothing to do with her feelings for you. They were…they are her own."

_Just because you're going to sacrifice yourself to save Liara, doesn't make you the authority on everything to do with love,_ Ashley thought. She couldn't bring herself to give voice to the harsh thought. When she could no longer face Shepard without feeling as though she was going to break down, she moved to stand directly in front of the door as she continued, "You're asking me to trust your decision to give the Catalyst to Cerberus, and your decision to use yourself as the missing piece of the Crucible…well I trust you, Shepard." Ashley sighed with relief when the damn door finally opened. She stepped outside and turned to face Shepard only as it was closing. "But I cannot trust her."

"Ash, for fuck's sake!"

Ashley was immensely grateful that Shepard remained in the elevator. Had the Commander followed her out into the armoury, she knew she would have broken down in spectacular fashion. _You're not crying over that bitch, Ash_, she reminded herself. _A Williams never cries._ She managed to compose herself as she crossed to the weapons lockers that lined the wall. She tapped in the combination on the one marked LC Williams and swung it open. After a brief moment's hesitation, she selected both her Valkyrie and Black Widow. With a firm grip on both the assault and sniper rifles, Ash carried them to James Vega's workstation. The bench was still covered with the detritus of the Lieutenant's work. Before the mission to Alcyone, Vega had explained to Ashley how he'd been attempting to modify an M-96 Mattock to make it fully automatic along the lines of Shepard's Harrier. The assault rifle lay on the bench with its firing mechanism stripped out. Ashley hesitated, wondering whether it would be wrong to just invite herself to use James's space. Eventually she placed her own weapons down and moved the Mattock to one side. _Damn you, James, you should have been here to stop me sleeping with that bitch_. _You could have talked some sense into me. _

She was in the midst of stripping out the Valkyrie's extended barrel mod to replace it with a high-velocity barrel when she heard footsteps on the deck. Ash glanced up to see Lieutenant Steve Cortez walking across the shuttle bay toward her. The quiet, unassuming shuttle pilot gave her a friendly nod of greeting. His expression however was sombre. His best friend on the ship had died on the deck of his shuttle less than twelve hours earlier.

"How's it, LC?"

"FUBAR," Ashley replied. It was a simple, all-encompassing reference that summed up her state of mind perfectly. _Fucked up beyond all recognition_. She didn't know what to believe any longer.

Steve nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah…FUBAR. Who'd have thought that the Commander would end up being the Catalyst. Words can't describe…well, if I was half the soldier she is, then maybe I'd be able to find the strength to make the decisions she makes on a daily basis."

"Yeah…I know exactly what you mean, Cortez," she replied in a dull voice. Shepard was going to die, and she was struggling not to cry over a damn woman.

Ashley suddenly felt something burning behind her eyeballs. It was made worse when the Lieutenant cast his gaze across the shuttle bay in the direction of the pod that contained James's body. She knew that she ought to ask Cortez how he was feeling in the wake of everything that had happened, but she knew that if she opened her mouth again she would embarrass herself with tears…and a Williams did not cry.

"Well, let me know if you need anything," Cortez offered with a nod toward the bench.

Ashley merely nodded in reply as she busied herself with the mod in front of her. Only when Cortez had disappeared from sight, did she admit that her fingers were trembling too violently for her to continue working. She dropped the mod to the bench and turned away to face the wall behind her as her eyes continued to burn. _A Williams doesn't cry_, she told herself sternly as she rubbed at them savagely.

Although she fought the burn for as long as she could, Ashley eventually pressed her forearm against the wall. Almost as soon as she buried her face in her sleeve, the sobs started. She tried to stifle them by biting on her sleeve, but they were so violent they shook her entire body. She tried to tell remind herself once again of the old mantra that a Williams didn't cry, but she was so far past caring that it no longer mattered.


	5. A Swift Kick to the Groin

A/N: There is a warning for this chapter but I'm not going to ruin the surprise. I think just a hint that this fic is rated 'M' for a reason is enough.

**Chapter Five**  
**A Swift Kick to the Groin**

**SSV Normandy SR-2**

_{Back to the shuttle! Ash, Garrus – suppressing fire!}_ Shepard's usually controlled battlefield tone carried with it an identifiable element of panic.

With the _Normandy_ in a low orbit, the shit had hit the fan far below on the arid surface of Intai'sei. One moment Cortez had contacted the _CIC _to say that Liara was safe and the next the comm system was an overlapping cacophony of controlled but urgent voices as the squad was ambushed.

Although Miranda had initially embraced Specialist Traynor's request for assistance with monitoring the comms as a means of keeping herself busy, she had not reckoned on the crippling helplessness that would subsequently grip her entire body. As the asari mercs slammed into the squad with no warning, the young woman who had been so terrified with a gun pressed against the back of her head was almost completely replaced by a paragon of efficiency and composure. Even as the feeds blurred meaninglessly in front of Miranda's eyes, Traynor effortlessly slipped into the role of battlefield controller. She seemed to have a picture of the entire scene on the planet below painted behind her eyes.

Unused to experiencing combat from such distance, Miranda found herself gripping the edge of her console with white knuckled fingers. The only clear elements of the readouts that scrolled with almost imperceptible speed across the screen in front of Miranda were those relating to Ashley Williams. She watched with bated breath the marine's vitals spiked almost immediately before settling into a heightened plateau that experienced soldiers maintained during combat.

_{We've got squadmates down and several squads of commandos encircling our position.} _Although Ashley spoke with the forced tones of someone under pressure, there was no hint of panic in her voice. Her words were punctuated by the retorts of her Black Widow. _{Tali's down! I repeat, Tali is down! Garrus...shit, I've got you covered-}_

The powerful sniper rifle obscured almost all other sounds over the feed as Ashley's rate of fire suddenly increased. Having been in the midst of combat all too often herself, Miranda only needed to close her eyes to imagine a weapon kicking slightly in her hand as she fired between biotic and tech attacks. She tasted dirt and blood in her mouth and went through the motions in her mind of ejecting a spent thermal clip and ramming in a fresh one. When she glanced across at Traynor, she found the other woman's face to be a mask of composure as her hands worked with blinding speed across her haptic interface. It was combat, but not as Miranda knew it. From a distance the chaos and death was reduced to lines and numbers on a screen. It was clinical, clean, and Miranda hated it. Regardless of Ashley's feelings toward her, she desperately wanted to be in a position where her actions mattered a damn, where she at least had the means to keep her marine safe. _She's not my marine_, Miranda thought with an ache to her gut.

_{Where the hell is the Skipper…and Liara?}_ Ashley demanded. _{I have no visual! Fuck-}_

Miranda immediately recognised the dull boom of a biotic explosion over the link and her breath caught in her throat. "Ash." It was barely a whisper, but she saw Traynor turn her head out of the corner of her eye.

_{Gotcha, you bitch!}_ The marine's voice was resoundingly triumphant as Miranda allowed herself to breathe again. There was a brief pause with the sound of background shouts and Ash's heavy breathing. _{We've got Tali on board the shuttle, she's in a bad way…get the doc to stand-by. Still no visual on Liara or the Skipper.}_

It was only when the fighting finally died down on Intai'sei after over thirty minutes of frenetic activity that Miranda realised she had contributed nothing beyond several embarrassing exclamations and some very sweaty palm-prints on the console in front of her. With the Kodiak en-route back to the _Normandy_ with the cause of her uncharacteristic foolishness safely aboard, Miranda felt her racing heart beat slow to the point where she could think clearly. She realised just how close she had been to falling to pieces simply as a result of Ashley's life being on the line in the middle of a fire fight. _Ash is a soldier, you stupid girl, _Miranda turned her back on the console but still had to use it to remain upright. Her eyes slid shut almost unconsciously. _You can't exist like this. You need to get the hell off this ship before you lose what little dignity you have left. _

"Ms Lawson?" The voice was quiet but insistent. "M-Miranda?"

Miranda's eyes suddenly jerked open and she glanced across to see Samantha Traynor hopping from one foot to the other with a terrified expression on her face. The girl was too nervous for her own good. Miranda did not understand how anyone could possibly be intimidated by her in her current pathetic state – especially not after she had just displayed that she was perfectly capable of holding herself together in a stressful situation.

"You...um...you look a little pale," Sam ventured hesitantly. "Are you alright?"

If she was being honest with herself, Miranda felt like crap. She was now beginning to regret her stubborn pride that had resulted in her refusing any pain meds from Dr Chakwas. Not only was she carrying the wound she'd received courtesy of Kai Leng's blade on Horizon several days earlier, there was the gunshot wound sustained several hours ago when she stole the Catalyst. Both wounds were uncomfortable if not intensely painful.

She responded to the Specialist with a curt nod. "Fine." She immediately regretted being so abrupt. "Thank you, Traynor. I am sorry, I think your job would have been much easier had I not been standing here."

While some part of Miranda wanted to get the hell off the CIC as fast as she could, she remained fixed to the spot. The thought of finding some place quiet to disappear was appealing, but the _Normandy_ was not so big a ship that she could lose herself without someone stumbling across her. The engineering sub-decks were an option, but the last time Miranda had been down there she and Jack had almost torn each other, and the ship, to pieces. Letting the tattooed ex-convict goad her into losing her temper had not exactly been her finest moment. Miranda sighed. She had experienced all too many such moments of late. Miranda looked across to the nervous woman standing opposite her. Short of returning to the medbay and the irritating attentions of Dr Chakwas, she had nowhere else to go. Then there was the delightful prospect of running into Ash once the marine was back aboard the ship.

"You care about her," Sam eventually offered in reply.

"Traynor," Miranda replied in a low, warning growl as she warned the Specialist not to even bother going there.

The suddenly defiant expression on the woman's face unnerved her slightly. Ash was clearly Traynor's friend, and she was an outsider, a possible threat. While she honestly liked the young tech specialist, she did not know her nearly well enough to spill her guts about her brutally short relationship with the Spectre. Miranda felt a sudden surge of loneliness when she realised that, aside from a definitely unavailable Shepard, there was no one she could turn to. With the personal devastation that the Commander was currently facing, Miranda's own struggles paled in comparison.

Anxious for something else to take her mind away from Ashley Williams, Miranda studied the Specialist. Her stare must have been unsettling because Traynor was quickly reduced to looking at her feet. "Have you got a weapon, Traynor?"

Sam was momentarily struck speechless before she found a backbone. "I'm not giving you a gun, Lawson."

"You wanted me to show you what to do when someone jams a gun against your head didn't you?" Miranda offered. "Take the damn thermal clip out of it if you're worried I'm going to shoot you."

"Oh!" Sam's cheeks coloured. A few moments later she crossed to the strongbox located under one of the terminals at the side of the CIC. She punched in her personal combination and drew out a Predator. Acutely aware of Miranda's eyes on her, for a few awful moments Sam panicked and forgot how to eject the thermal clip. Her fumbling fingers finally managed to find the right pressure points and it popped out with a slight hiss. "Should we be doing this in the middle of the CIC?" Sam asked nervously. "I mean, it just feels a bit odd."

Miranda almost smiled at the earnest expression on her young face. While Miranda had once been that young, she had never known Sam's lack of confidence and inexperience. Even as a child her father had drilled into her the importance of presenting a commanding persona. For all the slight softening that had smoothed out some of her sharp edges over the past few years, she still found it difficult to empathise with someone like Traynor. Be _nice, Lawson_, she warned herself. Miranda turned and offered her back to the other woman. "Press the gun against the back of my head."

Several moments later she felt the cool barrel of the Predator lightly graze the nape of her neck. She could tell that Sam's hand was trembling slightly. "I know I'm not here to teach you how to shoot, but you need to grip the damn gun firmly, Traynor. It's not going to bite you," Miranda ordered. When she felt the weapon steady a little, she slowly moved backwards until the gun was pressed against her skin so firmly that it would probably leave a mark. "You want the gun to be touching your head. Don't pull away, put as much pressure on it as you dare. If the gun is close but not touching, move until it is."

"You actually want it to touch you?" Sam asked uncertainly.

"This way you know exactly where the gun is. It also allows me to roll my body out of your line of fire and get on the inside of the arm with the gun," Miranda explained efficiently.

Without further explanation, Miranda suddenly rolled inside Sam's shooting arm. Before the Specialist even realised what was happening, the other woman had her forearm locked into her armpit. She then drove her elbow upward, not enough to cause any lasting damage, but more than enough to cause her to yelp in pain and drop the Predator. Miranda caught the weapon in a biotic field before it could clatter to the deck and startle other personnel. She retrieved it and turned to Sam with an expectant expression on her face.

"Basic, but effective," Miranda informed her in a matter-of-fact tone.

Sam was in the midst of flexing her elbow. She eyed Miranda warily. "Umm, yeah, you know what, I think I'll just skip learning-"

"Not a chance." Miranda was unmoved by Sam's pleas. "If I could do this stuff when I was eight, then you sure as hell can do it now."

"Eight?" Sam asked incredulously as she allowed herself to be manoeuvred into place by Miranda.

When she felt the barrel press against the back of her neck, it took all of Sam's composure and determination to deliberately jam her neck against the weapon. She closed her eyes and drew in a breath. _Come on, Sam_, _she may be hot and intimidating but you can take her, _she thought when she opened her eyes once again.

Although she wasn't as fluid in her movements as Miranda, she managed the roll adequately and brought her arm around in an effective enough hold to gain control over her arm. While her attempt was somewhat less violent than the other woman's, Miranda dropped the pistol.

Sam turned with a pleased grin on her face but Miranda was not satisfied. "Once your opponent has lost control of the weapon, you need to inflict as much possible pain – eye gouges, a swift kick to the groin, or a chop to the throat are probably your best tactics."

"I'm not gouging your eyes out," Sam replied awkwardly. "Or kicking you in the groin."

Even as she said the words, some infuriating element of her subconscious actually drove her to look downwards at the aforementioned area of Miranda's body. She coloured and dragged her eyes away. There was no universe in which such territory would ever be within her grasp. To distract herself, she retrieved the Predator from the floor. The weight felt distinctly odd in her hands as she returned it to the strongbox. All the while she was acutely aware of the other woman, regardless of whether or not Miranda was actually looking at her.

"I'm not cut out to be on the front lines," Sam admitted as she returned to the comforting familiarity of her station. She managed to meet Miranda's eyes once again. "I don't know, I think it's the whole violence thing. I don't have any talent for it."

"Violence isn't a talent," Miranda replied softly. "It's a curse." She crossed the distance between them and awkwardly patted Traynor's arm. "You have a real talent for the work you do. Don't underestimate yourself."

Sam watched Miranda cut a solitary figure as she turned and walked toward the elevator. She saw the unmistakable movements of someone who was desperately trying not to let on that they were in pain.

* * *

If there was one realisation Miranda reached as she was forced to be a mere observer to the mission on Intai'sei, it was that she could not stand by during the final push to Earth. There was no doubt in her mind that sacrifices would have to be made besides Shepard's own. The lives of tens of thousands of soldiers would also be required. While she had no desire to throw away her life, she had no qualms whatsoever about selling it as dearly as possible.

The ex-Cerberus Operative entered a deserted armoury. She did not summon the lights. It suited her mood to remain in semi-darkness. There was enough of a glow emanating from the various consoles for her to make her way to the personnel lockers. When she opened the one that held the armour she'd borrowed from Ash, she dragged out the undersuit. She ignored the wound in her side as she stripped down to her underwear and again when she had to double over to drag the tight garment onto her legs. Every movement she made seemed to aggravate the wound and add to her frustration. She was so incensed at her own frailty that she did not hear the elevator open. The first sound she was aware of was the smooth mechanical whir of a large weapon's extension cycle. Feeling the chill of surprise, Miranda jerked her body around to face the new arrival. Framed in the light from the still open elevator, she could clearly she the unmistakable outline of Ashley Williams. She found herself in the distinctly unnerving position of staring straight down the barrel of the marine's Black Widow. The other woman could not see her.

"I didn't actually think you would resort to shooting me," Miranda announced as she stepped forward out of the shadows.

Although she was unused to interpreting the emotions associated with relationships, Miranda was surprised and devastated to find anger blatantly written on the marine's face. Ashley's response was equally as savage as her expression, "Don't be ridiculous, I don't want to shoot you, Lawson. I just don't want to ever see you again after all of this is over."

Her words came so vehemently that Miranda's only defence was to throw up barriers of her own. She kept her voice impassive as she replied, "Understandable."

She was only moments from unravelling completely when she turned her back on Ashley. Her hope was that the other woman did not notice her trembling shoulders as she struggled to rein her emotions in. She resumed struggling with the under-armour and waited for the sound of footsteps moving away from her. They did not come.

Ashley was apparently not finished. "The Alliance can lock you up and throw away the key for all I care."

_Fuck off, Ash._ _Please_…_just fuck the hell off_. "I deserve as much." Her words sounded pathetic to her own ears.

Although she was determined to continue pulling on the suit, it caught the dressed wound on her arm. Despite clenching her teeth, the gasp that followed was clearly audible. The combination of pain and frustration brought stinging tears to her eyes. The footsteps finally sounded - heavy bootfalls that struck the deck with deliberate force. However a loud crash yanked Miranda's gaze back to the marine. Although she did not actually see Ashley do it, she immediately realised that she had thrown her sniper rifle down on the workbench. Knowing full well just how careful Ashley was with her weapons, this move unnerved Miranda more than harsh words or the determined manner in which the other woman strode back toward her.

"You. Fucking. Bitch."

Unprepared for the tone or her words, Miranda had to look away. She stubbornly resumed trying to dress herself. In her frustration she wrenched it firmly over her shoulder.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to consider being involved with someone who used to work for Cerberus?" Ashley continued. "And to accept the fact that someone…someone like _you_ would even be interested in me. I enlisted straight out of school, I've never been anything other than a soldier…I'm not smart, or attractive…and I'm not even particularly fucking amusing. Then you...what did I even mean to you? Did the Catalyst tell you to fuck me to get closer to Shepard?"

_Oh, Ash._ Miranda almost lost her composure completely. _Is that what you think?_ There were so many elements of what Ashley had just said that Miranda disagreed with. In fact, every single belief that the marine seemed to cling to was so very wrong. She was clearly under the impression that she was nothing more than a dumb grunt. Miranda shook her head, Ash was so very wrong. However rather than attempt to argue with her, Miranda attacked the tight suit with renewed determination. If she opened her mouth, she would end up regretting what she said – or worse, crying. She only wished that she had thought to get Chakwas to pump her full of painkillers before she had attempted to dress herself.

"What the hell are you doing anyway?"

"What does it look like?" Miranda finally reached the point where she was unable to restrain her emotions. She used that anger to mask her pain as she dragged the suit over her second shoulder.

"Kinda like you're getting ready to suit up for a mission." Before Miranda could tug the zip upward, Ashley seized her fingers in a vice-like grip. "There is no fucking way you're going to Earth!"

Miranda bristled at the fact that Ashley would presume to give her orders."Why? Are you worried I'll try to shoot my own squadmates?"

Ashley did not use words to prove her point. Instead she drove her fingers against Miranda's wounded side. For all her determination, it was not enough to avoid the resulting exclamation of pain that escaped between her clenched teeth. Humiliated, she turned away.

"You're no good to Shepard," Ashley added mercilessly. "You struggled to dress yourself! How the hell do you think you're going to fight Reapers?"

With each successive word that left the other woman's lips, Miranda felt her anger heightened until she was driven to summon a mass effect field. Its blue glow twisted and danced above her fingertips. She imagined hurling it close enough to Ashley to prove the she was not a broken instrument. Miranda raised her arm to throw it, like she had done so many times throughout her life, but the resulting pain in her side was crippling. The field died and her forward momentum would have caused her to crash to the ground if not for Ashley's lightning fast reactions.

"Please let me go, Williams." Her humiliation was complete when she could not even push Ashley away.

"No." The response was uncompromising.

Miranda expected the marine to pick her up and carry her back to the medbay. With her physical strength gone, she resorted to the only thing she had left – words. "For fuck's sake! Can't you just accept the fact that you've succeeded in making me feel even worse than I already did? I'm no good to anyone." As tears stung at her eyes, she wondered if Ashley was enjoying the sight of her completely humiliated. "You've won. Now do me a fucking favour and let me go."

One moment Miranda was wallowing in self-pity, and the next she was surprised to find Ashley's lips against her own. At first her surprise did not allow her to give in. She resisted, but it was almost impossible when faced with such intimacy. The pain and frustration that had threatened to overwhelm her ever since she had woken in the medbay soon faded into the background as she surrendered to the kiss. When it ended, she felt nothing but disappointment at the absence of Ashley's touch and yearning for more.

"I won't let you go," Ashley said as she lifted her back onto her feet. Miranda leaned into her touch as she stroked her face with a surprisingly delicate touch. "Not again. Now please promise me that you'll stay on the _Normandy_ and give this soldier something to come back to?"

_Fuck, I am fucking crying_, Miranda realised. It was impossible to feel shame at the fact when faced with the earnest expression on her lover's face. Along with the tears she actually found herself grinning! "You're awfully presumptuous, Williams."

"How so?" Ashley said with a slight frown.

_I can't believe I'm actually going to say this._.."You presume that I love you enough to pay attention to that kind of request."

"I-I didn't presume that...I just wanted-"

The grin became a full blown smile as Miranda gave up attempting to retain her dignity. The situation had reached the point where she did not give a fuck about anything other than the woman cradling her gently. Whatever was happening beyond the small space which they shared was irrelevant at that point in time. It had taken her sometime to come to the realisation, but she had finally found the one thing she wanted more than vengeance, more than success or her own personal drive for perfection. "Dammit all to hell...it turns out that I do. I love you, Ash." She was practically brimming with joy when she initiated a second, even more intense kiss. She felt her pain dissipate to be replaced by a fierce, physical desire for the statuesque marine. When they finally drew apart, Miranda could not remember a time where she had ever felt such an overwhelming sense of happiness. Ashley too was grinning stupidly. "However you are completely wrong about one thing," Miranda whispered, feeling slightly giddy. "You are exceptionally attractive."

Although Ash's initial response was to utter a self-deprecating snort, she descended further into the depths of ridiculousness by leaning forward and pressing her forehead against Miranda's. "I once asked myself what the hell you had done to me. I'm no closer to understanding, but I've realised that I need you in my life." Shortly after the words left her lips, Ash drew back and turned her head away with an embarrassed expression on her face. She felt ridiculous trying to express her feelings in words that would not flow easily. "I don't know how to say everything I need to say without sounding like a complete fool. I can't string sentences together at the best of times and you make just speaking, or behaving normally for that matter, almost impossible."

Before she knew entirely what was happening, Miranda had picked up one of her hands and dragged it inside her suit and beneath her bra. Ashley's eyes went wide when her hand was brought into contact with one of her lover's magnificent tits. Without any coherent thought processes on her part her traitorous fingers began moving of their own accord, massaging and stroking the soft flesh with an increasingly firm touch. It was only when she looked up and saw the wicked intent in Miranda's eyes that she realised her lips were parted and she was breathing heavily.

Miranda leaned in close and pressed her lips against Ash's ear. "Then show me," she whispered with clear traces of urgency in her voice. "Now."

Had Ashley not been a slave to the body pressed against her own, she might have managed to make more sense of exactly what Miranda was asking her. As it was, she was far too intent on forcing more of her hand beneath Miranda's clothing. "Wha...?"

The question left her lips half-formed and was still running through her mind when Miranda neatly slipped away from her touch and seized a fistful of her t-shirt. From the open space between the lockers and weapons bench, Miranda led her captive deeper into the shadows of the shuttle bay.

"Miranda..." Ashley struggled to find some words as she found her back pressed up against the cold surface of the Kodiak. Any protest died on her lips when she watched as the raven-haired woman began to drag down the garment she had so much difficulty donning in the first place. With each inch of creamy skin that was revealed, Ashley felt her resolve deteriorate. "Damn...let me do that."

As soon as her fingers replaced Miranda's in peeling the tight garment away from her skin, their lips met in a gentle but heated dance. While she was conscious of not aggravating Miranda's wounds, Ash was impatient to expose as much of her lover's skin as quickly as possible. She stripped the suit downwards as Miranda shrugged out of it at the same time, baring the stark white dressings covering her wounds. Ash felt a palpable thrill travel down her spine when she hooked her thumbs beneath the suit in preparation to slide it down over Miranda's hips. She hesitated for a moment. Although her fingers wrapped possessively around her lover she could not shrug off the last vestiges of self-control.

"What are you waiting for?" Miranda asked breathlessly, her own arms working behind her back in a movement Ashley could not see. It was made apparent a few seconds later when she stripped her own bra from her shoulders.

"Oh Fuck," Ashley whispered with a drawn out sigh. "You are..." She had difficulty thinking of the appropriate word and simply ended up shaking her head in defeat.

She knew at that point that she had lost. With swift but gentle pressure she peeled both the suit and Miranda's underwear away from her body until she had her completely naked in her arms. Ashley felt slightly sordid in that she was still fully clothed, but she did not want to waste the time it would take to strip her clothes off - not when Miranda was already like putty pressed up between her and the Kodiak. While one hand worked over her tits, the other clawed its way down Miranda's body. She dug her fingers into the curve of her perfectly rounded buttocks before trailing lower so she could hitch the leg up around her waist as she pressed forward.

Miranda obliged, wrapping her leg around Ashley and ignoring the slightly painful pulling sensation across her flank. She was intimately away of the soldier's excitement – both in terms of her frantic movements and the way her breath came hot and fast during the brief moments that their lips were parted. With one hand wrapped around Ash's waist to steady herself, Miranda drove the other up through the thick hair at the nape of her neck. She twirled her fingers in the soft strands and felt the urgent movements of Ashley's head that accompanied the fierce, drawn-out kiss.

Ash felt almost as though her senses were heightened. She sense their combined heart beats thudding, slightly out of time but locked into a drumming rhythm created by urgency and desire. The smells of the shuttle bay – of cleaning oil, guns, and sweat – mingled with the sharp tang of Miranda's arousal. When her fingers dared to tease the inside of her thigh, she felt Miranda bite down impatiently on her lip. In response, she brushed her hand lightly against the outside of Miranda's lips, feeling the first hint of moisture coat her fingers. With just one finger, she delved deeper. As she ran it the length of Miranda's swollen sex, Ash heard the delightful sound of her breath catching in her throat. It was followed a few seconds later by a groan of longing.

"No teasing, Ash." There was no trace of a demand in her tone, it was undisguised pleading. "I need -"

Her words were cut off abruptly as Ashley obliged, driving her finger hard against her. As the other woman's hips began to buck in a subtle but urgent rhythm, she stroked the complete length of her sex several times until honing in on her swollen clit. Ash was still unused to the intricacies of another woman's body and everything felt backwards compared to manipulating her own sex. She heard Miranda groan softly in her ear and the knee-trembling sound banished most of her fears in an instant. When she increased the tempo of her movements, she heard the groan morph into indecipherable words.

Eventually Miranda managed to calm herself to the point where she could make herself understood. "Finger…_inside_."

Ash actually frowned at first as her mind worked over the request. When she realised what Miranda was asking of her, she grinned eagerly. From the moment Ash's finger teased at the entrance to her lover's cunt, she felt an intense thrill course through her body. As she gently drove it upwards and buried it deep inside, she felt Miranda's entire body shudder in her arms.

"Oh..." The quiet cry seemed almost subdued. Then the dam broke as Miranda began to pump her hips hungrily, driving herself hard against Ashley. The second cry was loud and demanding. "Harder, Ash, please. Dammit...I need you to fuck me hard."

"You are gorgeous...you feel gorgeous," Ashley whispered as she jammed the palm of her hand against Miranda's sex and began moving in an instinctively firm thrusting motion. She felt Miranda's hand claw at her back, her nails scraping against her skin through the thin fabric of her t-shirt. In those moments, as their bodies writhed together, the war was banished to a distant place where it could not hurt either of them. Regardless of what was to come in the following hours and days, Ashley had absolutely no regrets about the strange path her life had taken. All that mattered was the woman in her arms.

"Ash, please…"

The urgency in Miranda's voice was unmistakable. Ash knew she was close. Instinctively she curled her finger toward her, dragging it hard against the soft, sensitive tissue on the inside of Miranda's cunt. Several seconds later she felt Miranda's legs give out beneath her. As her lover sagged in her arms, Ashley kept her upright. One arm wrapped beneath her thigh and her body weight were enough to keep Miranda pressed up against the Kodiak.

With her own body so intimately connected with her lover's, she felt the orgasm build from the inside out. Miranda's cunt suddenly spasmed around her finger and her entire body went rigid whilst in the throes of pleasure. Although Ash tried to stifle Miranda's cries with her mouth, a part of her savoured the sound of pure, unrestrained pleasure – even as she heard the definite sounds of boots on the deck.

_Shit!_

Her entire body went cold with the fear of being discovered, but she did not say a word to Miranda. Instead she cradled her as her body jerked weakly several times. Eventually the other woman went limp in her arms. Ash stroked her hair and kissed the side of her neck as she gently eased her finger out of the warmth of Miranda's body.

Unfortunately there was nothing she could do to disguise the sound of the loud crash that followed later. Ash recognised the sound of a weapon hitting a bench as Miranda froze against her.

"Shit…is it Cortez?" Miranda asked weakly.

"Probably," Ash replied, turning her head slightly. She could see little beyond a vague shadow moving by the work benches. _Just my luck it will be Shepard_. When she turned back to look at Miranda she realised that she didn't give a shit whether someone had seen them. With a wistful smile on her face she reached up to cup Miranda's face, stroking her cheek with her thumb. "I love you, Miranda Lawson. Whatever happens today-" She swallowed quickly before her voice could catch "-I just wanted you to know that. If…_when_ we make it out the other side of this mess, I don't want this…I don't want _us_ to end. I want to be with you."

"You're exceptionally lucky then," Miranda replied. "Because I feel precisely the same way. Now can you please go and keep whoever that is occupied so I can get dressed? As much as I enjoy being stark naked in public."

Ashley laughed quietly. "Shit…do I have a guilty expression on my face?"

Miranda smirked. "Yes…and all over your hand."

The marine's colour deepened to something approaching crimson as she wiped her hand thoroughly on her pants before reluctantly drawing away, her expression serious. With her back held ramrod straight, she marched off to distract their company. Before dressing, Miranda paused to catch her breath in the darkness.

"Hey, LC."

Miranda recognised Shepard's voice immediately. For some reason she found their current predicament funny and she had to stifle a laugh as she eased herself into a crouch to collect the only item of clothing she had – the dreaded bodysuit. Unfortunately the laugh and the movement aggravated her wound. When she stood she had to pause to catch her breath.

"Shepard…hey." Ashley sounded incredibly furtive. "Just checking out the Kodiak."

_Oh, Ash_, Miranda thought fondly as she heard the guilt practically dripping from her lover's voice. _We really need to work on having sex in public places, because you are undeniably shit when it comes to being clandestine. _

* * *

A/N: I knew from the moment that I had Shepard stumble upon Miranda and Ash having sex up against the Kodiak in _Catalyst of Fate_ that I would eventually have to write the accompanying scene from the perspective of our lovers. However writing Williamssexytimes™ isn't really any sort of chore so there you go!


	6. A Bloody Self-Righteous Bitch

**Chapter Six**  
**A Bloody Self-Righteous Bitch**

_{I've got the Kodiak on a rendezvous trajectory now.}_

Joker usually managed to inject an element of humour into his words regardless of the situation, but he sounded flat and close to collapse. Although it no doubt had something to do with the battering that they had just received, the fact that EDI's physical body had been destroyed was now beginning to sink in. Even the A.I herself was subdued, as though in mourning. The _Normandy_ was barely in one piece following the destruction of the Crucible, the frigate's shields were fried and they were practically dead in the water save for their thrusters. They would be unable to go to FTL if required.

"Understood, Moreau," Miranda replied as she gripped the side of the Commander's console. She felt similar to how she imagined the _Normandy_ would feel had it been sentient. After being thrown around like a rag doll when the inertial dampeners were knocked offline, her entire body felt like one large bruise. A quick glance down at her side confirmed that at least one of her wounds had reopened to create a dark stain across her uniform. "Inform Cortez that I want the shuttle prepped for immediate redeployment."

She knew that her own voice sounded harsh and insensitive, but it was a deliberate attempt to mask an underlying fear. They'd lost all contact with the _Normandy's_ ground teams. Comms, suit telemetry and locator beacons had all failed to come back online which meant that they had no idea where their people were or even if they'd survived. Her friends were down there…and her lover. For all Miranda knew, Ash could be bleeding out somewhere in the rubble. This thought finally propelled her to action.

"Doctor Chakwas?" She was already moving toward the elevator when the words left her lips.

The response was almost immediate. _{Miranda?}_

"Meet me in the shuttle bay with your field kit five minutes ago, we're going groundside," Miranda informed her in a matter-of-fact tone. She could feel her own wound pulsing blood and jammed her palm hard against it. The resulting pain dragged a gasp from the back of her throat. She clenched her teeth. "And I'm going to need you to perform some minor surgery on the way down."

* * *

Everything was thrown upside down as Cortez guided the Kodiak down over London for the third time that day. It took every ounce of resolve in Miranda's arsenal to keep the steely expression on her face from slipping. The city below her was little more than one large pile of smouldering ruins. How anyone had slogged their way through it was beyond belief.

A few minutes earlier, Chakwas had taken one look at her reopened wounds and threatened to relieve her of command. This had resulted in a tense stand-off before the doctor realised that she would have to sedate Miranda to stop her going groundside. She grudgingly patching up the wound in her side and pumped her full of painkillers to the point where Miranda felt as though she could take on the world. They'd left Traynor tending to the wounded Lieutenant in the _Normandy's_ medbay. Miranda had been so wired that she couldn't even summon a trace of sympathy for the woman who had lost her eye. She was just another casualty of war – luckier than most.

Lieutenant Cortez brought the Kodiak over what Miranda supposed to be the shattered super structure of the Crucible. Much of the massive device was still ablaze, flames licking at already blackened and twisted metal. It looked nothing like the almost elegant construct it had once been. Miranda cared nothing for the Crucible, but she did care for the one person she knew to have been inside. Barring an absolute miracle, there was no way that the inferno was survivable. Her eyes slid closed to both mask her pain and find solace in her memories.

_"What?" Miranda asked simply._

_"Is this it?" Shepard replied. _

_"If by 'it' you mean the end of a month of perfectly acceptable sex then yes," she continued. _

_Shepard shrugged. "I guess. It just seems..."_

_"Please don't tell me you're going all emotional on me, Shepard," Miranda interrupted the silence. "Because I'm quite sure that we both knew exactly what this arrangement was...but if you decide you don't want to run back to the good Dr T'Soni, then I'm sure we've got another twelve months left in this before we tear each other to pieces." _

_Shepard shook her head quickly, a trace of a smile on her lips. "Nothing like that. I just wanted you to know that you're a good friend. I care about-" _

_"I am going to stop you right there," Miranda held up a finger of warning. However, she couldn't keep the grin from creeping onto her face as her reciprocal feelings made themselves known. She gathered up a handful of Shepard's clothes and tossed them onto the bed. "I think it's past time you got dressed, Commander. Lying around naked does nothing for your good sense." _

_"I'll say it again - you are a bitch, Miranda Lawson," Shepard replied as she dragged her t-shirt over her head. _

A tremulous sigh escaped Miranda's lips. It had been more than a month of perfectly acceptable sex. It had been the beginnings of the first friendship she'd ever had. Without it she would not have found her way to Ash. _No_, _Shepard, you were always the bitch_, Miranda thought. She opened her eyes and was grateful to find that the Crucible was no longer in sight. _A bloody self-righteous bitch. I spent two years of my life and a colossal fortune putting you back together and you throw it away to save the damn Galaxy_. The possibility that she had lost both Shepard and Ashley was something she wasn't willing to consider.

"Ma'am?" Cortez was trying to get her attention. He had to speak twice before his voice registered. "Where should I set us down?"

"Anywhere…wait, as close to the Crucible as you can." If Ashley and Liara had not followed Shepard inside, then they would be nearby.

No one knew for sure the effects of the Crucible on the Reapers. For all they knew, London could still have been swarming with Reaper ground forces. The ex-Cerberus Operative was the first out of the shuttle, followed closely by the doc and several armed sailors from the Normandy – with all the ship's remaining marines having gone with Shepard, Miranda had found herself with few options. With a Carnifex in her hand and a Tempest strapped to her thigh, she hadn't bothered with a hardsuit – merely a shield generating vest over her uniform.

Her determined strides faltered only moments from exiting the shuttle and her resolve only a second later. The hand holding the pistol dropped limply to her side as she struggled to comprehend the scene in front of her. Miranda had known that the city was in ruins when she had seen it from the air, what she had not been able to see were the individual faces of suffering. Although the air was still punctuated with sporadic, jubilant shouts of victory, the bulk of the soldiers on the ground were too tired and shocked to do anything more than find a place to sit, to fall asleep…or to die. Miranda's legs eventually started walking again, if only to carry her as far as the body of a wounded asari. Her graceful form was hunched over her pain as she clutched at her side.

"I'm a doctor," Miranda said gently. "Let me see." She prised the asari's hand away and discovered a wound that almost made her retch involuntarily. Simply from a cursory examination she knew that there was extensive internal damage. It seemed impossible that she was still conscious let alone alive.

"We won didn't we?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"We sure as hell did." Miranda met her eyes and managed a reassuring smile. "And you're going to be just fine. We've got one of the best doctors in the Alliance on the ground with us."

After leaving the asari in Dr Chakwas' capable hands, Miranda stood on less than stable legs. As she studied her immediate environs, she was confronted with the stark reality that their hard work was only just beginning. There were no doubt hundreds if not thousands of troops in the same situation as the asari she had just examined. If they did not receive urgent medical care, they would die before the shouts of victory had faded. The delusion that Ash would simply be waiting for her or that she could single-mindedly search the rubble for her with no regard for the situation as a whole else was shattered. Ash was one soldier – there were dozens who needed her help just within a small radius.

Miranda tapped into her comms and selected a broad-beam channel. "This is Miranda Lawson, acting Commander of the SSV _Normandy_. I am establishing a base of operations at my location. To all receiving units, please relay the message as you can - we require urgent supplies, medical personnel and shuttles for evac." She felt like a fraud as the words left her lips, but this was far bigger than herself. _I'm sorry, Ash. You'll have to find me_.

* * *

"Fuuuuck!"

The single word conveyed the depth and extent of everything she felt. Her lips had barely moved to form the word. Instead it felt as though someone was pressing down on her chest, forcing air out of her mouth. Before she had even opened her eyes, her first thought was to reach for the canteen secured to her webbing. After what felt like an eternity fumbling around with stiff fingers, she finally accepted that it was no longer there.

When Ashley peeled back her eyelids, she found herself lying on her back staring up at a darkening sky that was lit orange by the glow of flames. Brilliantly bright ashes were falling from the sky. It was almost beautiful. She did not move for several minutes. It had very little to do with the view and everything to do with the fact that she was physically incapable of moving much more than her hands. There was no specific wound that she could feel, it just felt as though someone had used her body as a battering ram. The air was thick with an array of stenches – smoke, blood and something altogether unidentifiable that curdled the contents of her stomach.

Eventually Ash managed to lift her head. The Kuwashii visor that Shepard had given her before they shipped out suddenly fell forward off her head. The expensive kit was smashed beyond repair. She was staring at the pieces in her lap when she realised that she was not alone in her patch of rubble. Amidst the managed corpses of husks and Cannibals, her gaze found Liara's motionless body. Shrugging off all vestiges of pain, Ash lurched drunkenly forward and rolled the asari over. As she checked for a pulse, Ash also found crusted purple blood beneath Liara's nose and within her ears. Her skin was blotchy and pale.

"Come on, T'Soni," she whispered fiercely.

She gasped with relief when she finally found it, weak and erratic. As she gently cradled the limp form, Ashley tried to activate her comms. There was nothing in her earpiece, not even static. When she attempted to bring up her omni, the device spluttered and died after less than a second. _Shit._ Her gear was fried.

Simply standing up required every ounce of willpower she could muster. Even then it wasn't quite enough. Her body was on the verge of shutting down, requiring a string of expletives that would have put Shepard to shame before she could haul herself from her knees onto her feet. It was only half the battle.

"Let's get you some help, Blue," she promised as she hunkered down in front of Liara.

It felt as though she was trying to lift a Krogan as opposed to the slender asari. However Ash grunted and strained until she had secured Liara over her shoulders with a firm grip around her legs and arms. It was only when Ash was struggling away from the Crucible that she realised she was probably walking away from the body of her best friend.

_I'll see that she's alright, Skipper. I made a promise and I intend to keep it_, Ash told herself as she walked – one stubborn foot after the other. "You know, Liara…" Ashley had to pause to draw in a breath. "I never did apologise for being such a bitch to you when you joined the _Normandy's_ crew. After Shepard dressed me down, I felt like shit and I changed my behaviour, but I never came to you to say I was sorry." She had started to wheeze slightly. Talking aloud wasn't helping her physically, but she needed it mentally. The words gave her something to focus on. "I didn't trust you, just like Wrex, Garrus, and Tali, but the truth also was…well, I was jealous." Ash almost stumbled, but she righted herself. "From the moment…you came on board…the Skipper was wrapped around your finger. Don't get me wrong, I never wanted her, not like that…but I did want her to notice me. C'mon...Sole Survivor of Akuze, first human Spectre…an actual bloody hero. I'd spent my career serving under semi-sadistic assholes…but to meet _the_ Commander Shepard? Shit, I was done for…the worst case of hero worship you'd ever seen."

Ashley even managed a small grin at that point. It faltered a second later when she found her path blocked by what looked to be an entire building fallen that had toppled intact onto its side. She drew in a deep breath and started to walk around it. "Shit…who'd have thought you'd be so goddamn heavy?" Another hard puff of air escaped her lips. She'd been going for less than five minutes but she already felt ready to simply sit down and give up. "I need a fucking drink…God, if you help us out here then I promise I will tone down on my drinking and cussing, I fucking promise," she hissed through her clenched teeth. "Not gonna tone down the promiscuous sex though, cos…well, you've seen my girlfriend."

The conversation with herself faltered at that point as it became too difficult to maintain. Even an internal monologue soon descended into a rambling mess of sporadic words and images. It was all about putting one foot after the other. Especially as night began to descend with a vengeance

She didn't remember the exact moment at which she stumbled across the field station that had been set up to treat the wounded. One moment Liara's weight had finally driven her to her knees, and the next there were hands reaching for her, trying to take Liara from her grasp. Ash's first instinct was to resist. She'd carried Liara this far alone.

"Williams?"

A familiar face was hovering over her as spots started to appear at the edges of her vision. "Doc?"

Karin Chakwas managed a smile. "We can carry Liara aboard the _Normandy_. You can let her go now."

Ashley shook her head determinedly. "No…gonna carry her myself. I promised…Skip…"

_{Normandy is incoming, doc!}_ Ash's ear piece suddenly crackled to life with Joker's welcome voice._ {Stand by for evac.}_

When she lifted her gaze toward the slate grey sky, Ash saw the slender, gracefully proportioned lines of the SSV _Normandy_ descending. The ship was little more than a silhouette save for the brilliant light from its thrusters as it came in low, guided by Joker's expert touch. Although it was just a ship, she felt a measure of strength return to her legs. Ignoring Chakwas and the others trying to take Liara from her, Ash began moving toward the descending ramp.

"Almost home, Liara." She heard herself say the words, but she did not remember opening her mouth. Perhaps they were simply in her head.

The soles of her boots came into contact with the deck. Her footsteps sounded heavy and uncontrolled as she laboured up the slope. When arms reached out to help her, this time she gratefully accepted, letting two sailors take so Liara's weight from her shoulders once she made it into the bowels of the ship. With the weight gone, she sank to her knees and then finally flopped onto her ass with an exhausted exhale.

"Nice to see that some of us can take a break."

Ash looked up at the sound of the familiar flanged voice. Garrus Vakarian was being stretchered aboard. Even from her position on the deck she could see that something was very wrong with his right leg. Still encased within his hardsuit, it was twisted at an unnatural angle. She also eventually realised that she was seeing a bone protruding from his thigh. After that, the grin on her face was decidedly forced.

"You're the one that's lying down, Garrus," Ashley replied, trying to keep her voice light.

His chuckle ended in a hacking cough. "You might want to let the Acting Commander know that you're in one piece. If you ask me, I think she might be worried about you."

_Acting Comman-...Miranda?_ The exhaustion that had kept the marine pressed to the deck suddenly lifted. As the stretcher bearers carted Garrus away, Ash found enough strength to stand again. At the moment that she turned to look down the ramp, a single figure approached. Against the darkness, only a silhouette was visible. It was all Ash needed to know exactly who it was. While her own legs worked well enough to take several tottering steps forward, Miranda moved faster. She sobbed with relief as her raven-haired lover sprinted up the ramp. Miranda threw herself forward without a trace of reservation. Ash caught a whiff of sweat and blood as she buried her nose in Miranda's hair. When their lips met, she tasted the sweat and blood but she didn't care.

"I think Shepard..." There was nothing Ash could do to finish the sentence.

Miranda responded with a short, sharp sniff. She couldn't finish it either. "Liara?"

"I don't know," Ash admitted. "She burned herself out saving our lives. She's with Chakwas."

Suddenly Ash was frustrated that she was still encased in her hardsuit, denying her the contact she craved. She spent a few furious seconds stripping off one of her gloves so she could at least take Miranda's bare hand in her own. Miranda went a step further and lifted the hand to her cheek.

"Thank God, M," Ash whispered as her fingers traced patterns amidst the dirt on her lover's cheek. "I don't know what I would have done...if I lost..."

"I know, Ash. I know," Miranda's voice filled the silence that suddenly descended.


	7. Limit Use to 12 hours Max

**Chapter Seven**  
**Limit Use to 12 hours Max**

"Stims are only to be used as a large resort, Miranda. You know that as well as I," Dr Chakwas said in a disapproving tone. She gently tilted Miranda's head to one side and pressed the hypospray against the pale white flesh of her neck. "This is your last dose. Four hours max…then you need actual sleep."

Miranda knew not to expect any miraculous reinvigoration of her flagging body as the other woman depressed the spray. It was enough to take the edge of and keep her alert – nothing more. Had she not been on Alliance ship, bound by Alliance regs and a doctor who was too by-the-book for her own good, then she would have doubled the dose herself. The come-down would no doubt be brutal but the short-term boost would be worth it. _I'd actually have a chance to make things happen, as opposed to the half-arsed job I'm currently doing._

"Actual sleep," Chakwas emphasised. "The kind where you're horizontal…and alone."

"Doctor," Miranda issued a warning. There were few people on the ship who knew the true nature of her relationship with Ashley Williams. Unfortunately Dr Chakwas was one of those people. She could hardly fail to notice with the manner in which the marine had kept watch at her bedside after she had ended up on the wrong end of Kai Leng's katana. The warning was unnecessary. Sex was one exertion too far for both of them at present.

Chakwas continued, "I've already cut the LC off. If she stays on her feet for much longer then I will be relieving her of duty."

_Ash, you stubborn woman_, Miranda thought, thoroughly unimpressed. _If you burn yourself out, you're not going to do any good. _"I'll take care of it."

_{Comman…I mean, Miss Lawson?}_ Traynor's voice came over the comm a few seconds later. _{There is an urgent call for you and Lieutenant-Commander Williams coming through via QEC. It's Admiral Hackett}_

"I'll be right there," Miranda replied in a manner more relaxed than she felt. She hopped down from the biobed with an exaggerated spring in her movements for the doctor's benefit. "Thank-you."

Miranda had hoped to encounter Ashley enroute to the War Room to give herself the opportunity to harangue her for not hitting her rack earlier. However she found the marine waiting for her in the QEC, her foot tapping impatiently as though she was being kept from vital work. Ashley did not look at her until they were standing side by side. The distance between them was deliberately exaggerated but it disappeared the moment she turned her head and found Ashley staring at her through an exceptionally tired gaze.

"You are in serious trouble," Miranda muttered under her breath. "And not in a good way."

"I can't believe it, you're seriously taking the doc's side?" Ashley demanded.

The resulting sigh gave Miranda a moment to reconsider trussing the other woman up with her biotics to prove her point. "I'm on nobody's side!" she snapped. "Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? You look like death warmed up."

"Can't say that I have. Not all of us make a habit of staring into mirrors and checking our make-up every two seconds," Ashley retorted cruelly.

"I'm not wearing any bloody make-up-"

Miranda gratefully cut herself short as the QEC powered-up and Hackett's figure came into view. When Ashley snapped into a smart salute, she briefly wondered if she ought to follow suit. She decided against it, folding her arms across her chest instead. When she realised how defensive she appeared, she unfolded them and settled for placing them on the console in front of her.

"Williams, Lawson," Hackett nodded to each of them in turn. "I've been hearing that the _Normandy_ has carried out some exemplary work over the past few days. I have no doubt that it is due to your leadership skills."

"We're just doing our jobs, sir," Ashley replied modestly. "And Miranda is the one who has held the crew together."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to rely on you for some time to come," Hackett continued. "It's a big ask, but the following days and weeks are going to prove vital in determining our future. We play this incorrectly, and millions will have been saved only to die in the aftermath."

"Has there been any word from the Crucible site?" Ashley asked quietly.

Hackett paused before replying. Eventually he shook his head. "They have been unable to detect any life signs within the debris – given the nature and extent of the explosion, it was only ever a slim hope at best. At 0700, I made the reluctant decision to change Shepard's status from MIA to…"

His voice trailed off, but completion was hardly necessary. Miranda felt her palms go clammy against the cool surface of the console. She risked a sidelong glance at Ashley and saw that her face had drained of what little colour she originally had. It took an immense effort on her part to resist the temptation to touch her in some small way. That would have to wait until Hackett was off the line.

"In light of that, I have also made the decision to appoint you as Acting CO of the _Normandy,_ Williams," Hackett continued. "It will be made official when I find the time to fill out the paperwork but until that time a field commission will have to be sufficient."

Although Miranda's attention was focused on Hackett, she felt a palpable wave of tension radiate outwards from her lover. It was impossible to ignore. Far from being pleased, Ashley was furious.

"With all due respect, sir," Ashley replied in a tight voice. "Shepard handed over command of the _Normandy_ to Lawson. I see no reason to-"

"And Ms Lawson has performed admirably under the circumstances," Hackett interrupted. "But you will no doubt recognise the importance of having an Alliance officer in charge of an Alliance frigate. Now more than ever we need to hold fast to the tenets of military order."

"Alliance officer or not, Lawson singlehandedly organised the initial recovery efforts in London. Without her hundreds, if not thousands of soldiers would have died before they could receive treatment," Ashley argued even as Miranda willed her to shut up.

"This conversation is over, Commander Williams," Hackett said in an emotionless voice. "HQ will be in touch with further orders. Use Lawson as you see fit, but remember that she is a civilian and as such has no place in the command structure of an Alliance vessel. Hackett out."

Silence descended over the QEC as the conversation was terminated. On one hand Miranda felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, on the other her pride was severely dented at being cast aside so abruptly and without a purpose. _Use Lawson as you see fit?_ Miranda felt a scowl forming on her face. She might as well have been a piece of equipment. After a few moments of allowing herself the gratification that came from wallowing in self-pity, Miranda buried it. She was genuinely pleased for Ashley. A promotion and command of the _Normandy_ in one fell swoop. It was a dream opportunity for a marine who had, up until a few years ago, been denied the advancement befitting her talent.

"You need to learn to keep your opinions to yourself, marine," Miranda chided her gently as she turned. Although they both had work to do, she found herself eagerly anticipating folding herself into Ashley's arms – even for a brief moment.

"Someone had to say something," Ashley replied harshly. "You might as well have been asleep for all the use you were."

"What?" Miranda noticed the same cruel tone in Ashley's voice that she had employed earlier with her comment about the make-up. She recognised that Ashley was tired and grumpy, but the same was true of almost every crewmember. It didn't give her the right to behave like a teenager. "I don't have to listen to this."

Even as she strode out of the QEC and through the War Room, Miranda was well aware of Ashley following her. Once she even reached out to grasp her arm and draw her to a halt, Miranda angrily yanked herself free – on the cusp of using her biotics to prove a point. Ashley was taken aback slightly as she actually flared up for a few seconds. It wasn't until she caught up again as they exited the security alcove that she opened her mouth.

"Would you listen to me for a minute!" Ashley demanded. "You didn't even try to argue your case!"

The fact that they were on the CIC was not lost on Miranda as she pulled up short and responded in a low voice. "What the fuck was I supposed to say, Ash? Was I supposed to tell an Alliance Admiral that he was wrong in not giving command of the _Normandy_ to a former terrorist?"

Ashley shook her head stubbornly. "No! Shepard gave you the command…Shepard trusted you. If that's not good enough for Hackett then-"

Miranda cut her off with an abrupt hiss. Regardless of the emotions that were swirling between them. It was not the appropriate place to continue their conversation. Specialist Traynor was at her station only a few metres away. Miranda didn't blame the young woman for eavesdropping as it would have been impossible not to overhear the two of them. She jerked her head towards Traynor, and Ashley turned to look with a scowl deepening the furrows at her brow.

When the Specialist resumed typing, Miranda continued in a voice that was little more than a whisper. "You deserve the command. You seem to forget that you're Spectre…just as she was."

"I'm not half the soldier she was." Ashley shook her head. She seemed to have difficulty keeping her own voice to a whisper as she struggled against letting her emotions get the better of her. "I miss her, M. I keep expecting to see her down every corridor – looking like shit in her busted armour, with that godawful haircut she let Liara-"

Ashley hadn't realised the extent of her own exhaustion, not until she felt tears stinging at her eyes and her words dissolving into a sharp sob. When Miranda tried to reach out to her, she twisted away. Hackett's announcement that Shepard was officially listed as KIA was only just beginning to sink in.

"Ash-"

"You didn't see Liara when she woke up." Ashley forced the sobs down. She knew that if she allowed Miranda to take her into her arms, everything would fall to pieces. As the CO, emotions were a luxury she could not afford. "I know she survived, I carried her aboard the _Normandy_ myself…but she died down there. She's Shepard's bondmate...my friend...and I don't know what to do to help her…"

As her voice trailed off, she heard a delicate cough. Both she and Miranda turned their heads at the same moment to see Sam Traynor looking on with a nervous expression. Ashley initially bristled at having been caught in such a moment of weakness and she was about to respond defensively when Miranda touched her lightly on the back of her hand.

"Can I make a suggestion?"

Traynor sounded woefully uncertain of herself and Ashley realised that it was due to her aggressive response. She tried to find a measure of calm in her being even as she struggled with her words. "Why the hell not." It was far harsher than she had intended, but Miranda's tangible disapproval was starting to grate on her nerves.

"Lucy," Traynor eventually suggested. Both Ash and Miranda were oblivious as to the intent behind her mentioning the young Lieutenant who was still on board the _Normandy_. "I think it might be good for Liara to speak with Lieutenant Park."

Ash had only exchanged a few brief words with Park, but her initial assessment was that the woman was introverted and probably traumatised by what she had witnessed. "Have you suddenly picked up a qualification in psychotherapy, Traynor?"

Traynor flushed bright red with shame. "I…um, no."

_Ash, you're an idiot_. Miranda dared not give voice to that particular thought, knowing it would not go down well. She also thought that Traynor was an idiot for not backing her suggestion with any sort of conviction. A tortured sigh escaped her mouth. As she was surrounded by idiots, it was once again left to her to make some sense of the situation. "What Williams means to say is thank you for your suggestion, Traynor. Park was with Shepard...as difficult as it might be for her to listen to what she has to say, Liara has a right to hear it from the source first, before the whole goddamn story ends up on the news. And I think it might have the potential to help her. Agreed?"

Ashley heard the exaggerated patience within Miranda's tone. She knew her well enough to know that she would accept no argument on the subject. "Agreed."

Although Hackett had effectively relieved her of command, she had one last order to issue. She looked Ashley up and down, noting the dark circles around her eyes and the slump to her shoulders. "And you're going to hit your rack before I remind Chakwas that you haven't slept for thirty-eight hours. Understood?"

"With all due respect-" Ashley began.

A single arch of her eyebrow had the desired effect. Miranda was not about to let the marine get away with such a blatant display of insubordination, regardless of who was actually in command of the ship. Before Ashley could think of something else to say, Miranda made a calculated exit. She could only hope that a decent sleep would restore her lover's good manners.

* * *

Twenty-three minutes after the four hours that Chakwas had initially given her, Miranda definitely felt as though she was reaching the limit of her endurance. As she left the CIC, her body sagged wearily against the internal walls of the elevator. The ship was already an hour into the night-cycle and the dimmed lighting did not help in keeping her eyes open.

Both her energy levels and her spirits were at an all-time low, especially following the enthusiasm that had greeted the ship-wide announcement that Ashley had been appointed CO. While Miranda had been honest with her opinion that Ashley deserved the role, she would have been lying to herself if she said she did not care that the crew seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief when she was removed from command. Miranda had not carried out the role out of a desire for praise. Shepard had given her command, she had accepted. However she would have appreciated a measure of respect for the work she had done. Instead there was still the same barely concealed mistrust that had hovered over her head since the Catalyst incident. On one hand, Miranda didn't blame the crew. What Commander could claim the loyalty of a crew that she had physically attacked? However on the other, her actions had propelled Shepard toward understanding the Catalyst.

The elevator door opened on the crew deck and Miranda stepped out with a sigh. _Lawson, when they write the histories, you're going to be a footnote. Accepting it now will make it easier in the long run_.

The mess was almost completely empty. Only one lone body sat – or rather, slumped - at the table. Miranda had to stifle a snort of irritation when she realised it was Ashley. The marine had obviously ignored her advice of several hours ago, only to fall asleep over her food. Her reaction vanished all too quickly when she approached and found that she had practically fallen asleep _in_ her food. As Ashley snored softly, each breath out caused the gelatinous-looking meal to quiver slightly. There was even a small smudge of red sauce on the tip of her nose.

"Oh, Ash," Miranda whispered on her exhale. She reached out and shook the marine's shoulder firmly to wake her.

The resulting movement from the exhausted woman was to move her face closer to her food and utter a murmured protest at being disturbed. Miranda realised she ought to have moved the plate earlier and pushed it out of reach. For the lack of anything else to hand, she gently swiped the sauce from Ashley's nose with her thumb. As Miranda was cleaning the mess off by wiping it onto her trousers, she saw her lover's eyes finally crack open a fraction.

"I knew I could make it into bed," she muttered, sounding decidedly pleased with herself.

"You almost did," Miranda replied, not wanting to disappoint her. "You took a little detour on the way."

The chastisement could come following a decent sleep. She placed both her hands beneath Ashley's armpits and tried to haul her to her feet. Unfortunately Ash's frame was decidedly solid at the best of times. Miranda eventually decided that the best course of action was to use her biotics to get Ashley out of her seat. She even managed to grin when she recalled her earlier desire to do just that at the height of their argument in the QEC.

"You are really strong," Ash commented drowsily as she eventually made her legs work enough to support her own weight. "Which is a good thing, isn't it? I mean…I wanna be with someone who can at least throw me around a little in the sack."

The salacious manner in which Ashley said 'throw me around' brought an intense heat into Miranda's cheeks. Up until that point, sex had been well off the radar. Now, as she began to help Ashley down the corridor toward her quarters, it was all she could think about.

"I guess that's why I always went out with guys taller than me," Ashley continued, leaning heavily against Miranda's shoulder – her forehead nuzzling against her cheek. "There are times when a girl has needs-"

"Ash, babe…you should really concentrate on walking," Miranda was quick to interrupt her. _Babe? Where the hell did that come from? Miranda asked herself with a slight shiver. I've never called anyone 'babe' in my life_.

The fact was not lost on Ashley. The struggling soldier grinned. "Ha! You called me babe. Does that mean I can call you sweet-cheeks?"

"No it most certainly does not!" Miranda replied, cursing the fact that Ashley was walking much too slow. They were still only halfway down the corridor, the observation lounge seeming to grow farther away with each step. "At least now I know what you're like when you come down off stims. I'm going to request that Chakwas put this on your permanent medical record."

"She'll cut me off," Ash protested.

"Hopefully." Miranda was unsympathetic.

As the pair of them laboured past the women's bathroom, Ash's body suddenly went limp in Miranda's arms. With the sudden deadweight pressing down on her, Miranda had to use her own body to lean her up against a wall and prevent her from slumping to the floor. The external perception of their compromising position was not lost on her as she quickly slapped Ashley's cheek.

"Ouch!" Ashley's eyes snapped open. "Striking a superior officer? I'll have you up on charge, soldier!"

"You forget, I'm not in the damn military," Miranda reminded her. "Now move soldier, or I'll take advantage of your loose tongue. I never did ask you what you were so worried about me seeing when I claimed to have bugged your apartment on the Citadel."

"I left it behind," Ashley muttered cryptically as they started walking. "Wasn't any point in bringing it on board, like I wanted to have someone walk in on me fucking myself-"

Miranda couldn't open the door to the longue fast enough. She propelled Ash inside and sighed with relief when they were alone. Thankfully Ashley seemed to have forgotten her rambling explanation when she laid eyes on her bed. Without bothering to strip her clothes or even her boots off, she stumbled forward and collapsed face first onto the cot. Even before Miranda hunkered down to start taking her boots off, the soft sounds of her snores filled the room.

She placed the scuffed, well-worn boots neatly at the foot of Ashley's bed. "Sleep tight, marine," Miranda whispered as she leaned over Ashley's face. She smoothed her hair back from her forehead so she could deposit a gentle kiss on the smooth skin. "Let's hope you don't remember a word of our conversation when you wake up, babe." Miranda winced. _Babe! Again_.

Miranda sighed and crossed to her own cot on the other side of the room. The distance served a double-barrelled purpose. It lessened the annoyance of Ashley's snores and prevented wandering hands in the middle of the night. Not that Miranda would have minded the latter; she was just very cognisant of the need for sleep. After dimming the light, she removed her own boots, shirt and trousers before sitting down. The cot creaked invitingly beneath her weight. Before she would allow herself to lie down, she activated her portable console and composed a quick message to Dr Chakwas.

_It has come to my attention that Commander Williams suffers acute side effects to prolonged stimulant use; consisting of slurred speech, impaired balance, reduced inhibitions and erratic behaviour. _

_Recommendation: Limit use to 12 hours max. _

As if to punctuate the sending of the message, a loud snore rippled throughout the room. Miranda just smirked and folded her aching body down onto the cot. She uttered a blissful sigh of relief when her head hit the pillow and her eyelids slid closed. For all the initial pleasure of the action, instant sleep remained elusive. Miranda's sudden inactivity brought a ton of emotions crashing down on top of her. Her mind finally had the chance to respond to almost two days' worth of stress.

One thought stood out amongst the terror she had felt as the _Normandy_ spiralled out of control following the pulse and the screams of the wounded she had treated in the ruins of London - Shepard had been officially listed as KIA. A few minutes passed. Ashley's continuing snores were eventually joined in a strange chorus by the soft sound of her own sobs.

Almost twenty minutes passed before Miranda finally picked herself up and padded across the floor. Without really waking, Ashley murmured something indecipherable as she moved aside to make room for her on the cot.

Only a few minutes passed between Ashley drawing her close against the warmth of her body and the moment when Miranda finally fell asleep.


	8. An Unmarked Package

**Chapter Eight **  
**An Unmarked Package**

_{Commander Williams, ma'am?} _

_Not now, Traynor!_ Ashley resisted the urge to give voice to her thoughts as she concentrated. Although she was undeniably fond of Sam Traynor (sometimes she couldn't quite understand why), the Comms Specialist was extremely adept at choosing inopportune moments to interrupt her. It had already happened numerous times while she was on the toilet and twice during the middle of sex. As far as moments went, this was less embarrassing, but no less important.

_{Ma'am?}_ Traynor was apparently not willing to take her silence as an acceptable answer.

With the tip of her tongue protruding from her mouth, Ashley painstakingly manoeuvred the tiny piece of plastic into place and applied an extra dab of glue for good measure. She held it in place with a pair of tweezers for several seconds, enough time for the glue to bond with the plastic. Satisfied, Ash prepared to withdraw her hand.

_{Ms. Lawson is here to see you, ma'am…}_ There was a pause as though Traynor was considering her words carefully. _{She said her time is limited so if you want to –} _Another pause, as though interrupted this time. _{You can't say that over the comm! And I don't need that much information! Sorry, Commander Williams - can you give her permission to come up…please?}_

Ash's carefully positioned hand slipped and her palm came crashing down with a decent portion of her body weight behind it. The delicate miniature construct collapsed and tiny pieces of plastic embedded themselves in her palm.

"Fuck!" She spent all of two seconds staring at the mangled plastic wreckage of the _Athabasca _Class freighter before picking it up and hurling it across the room. It slammed into the empty fish tank and further disintegrated into several pieces. Ashley was left with a scattering of implements sitting on the table in front of her and the box - mockingly displaying the model as it ought to look.

Several days earlier Liara had insisted on carrying out the painful task of clearing the Crow's Nest alone. The few boxes that she collected seemed pitiful, but Shepard's life had never been measured by material possessions. The real measure was found in her actions and through the people she had affected.

When Ashley had moved into the quarters she felt like an imposter. That much space to herself seemed antithetical to the stoic life of an Alliance marine. Nevertheless, she unpacked her things into the drawers, stowed her armour in the locker and set a photo of Miranda on the desk where Shepard had once kept one of Liara. Sitting next to the console she had found the freighter model with a small box of paints and tools, and a note from Liara:

_Shepard was never able to start this one. I think it was the ship her father was piloting when he died. _

It was hardly a cheerful note, but Ash had looked to the model cabinet and noticed that there was just one empty space – obviously intended for the freighter. Although she had never tried her hand at scale modelling, Ash reasoned that her steady hands would have absolutely no trouble in assembling the model. However after devoting several hours and an untold number of expletives to the frustrating task, she had to admit defeat.

She was still sitting with her head in her hands several minutes later when she heard the door to her quarters open without prior warning. The footsteps paused after only a moment and Ash knew that Miranda had noticed the wreckage littering the floor.

"Don't even ask," Ashley muttered, regretting the fact that she had lost her temper.

"Not exactly the greeting I was expecting," Miranda commented as she moved past the ruined model. She cautiously picked her way down the steps, half-expecting Ashley to throw something at her. "But given the manner in which we parted, perhaps I should consider myself lucky?"

When Ashley made no attempt to counter her statement with an immediate reply, Miranda cautioned herself to remain patient. She folded her arms across her chest and waited for her lover to acknowledge her presence again. Barely a minute had passed before she let out an irritated snort in the hope that it would compel her to action. Her time on board the _Normandy_ was limited, and she did not want to waste it standing in silence. However her hopes of getting Ash naked (or at least half-naked) and into bed were fast fading. As a follow-up to the snort, her foot began to tap out an agitated beat on the carpet.

"Ash-"

"You didn't ask me!" Ashley interrupted only a split-second after Miranda opened her mouth. When she finally looked up, her eyes narrowed when she saw that the ex-Cerberus Operative was wearing her Alliance officer's uniform – complete with factory-crisp creases. "You enlisted and you bloody well didn't ask me."

Miranda scowled. "You're still holding that over my head? Ashley, I did ask you-"

"After you'd already gone ahead and done it!" Ashley pointed out in frustration. She let out a harsh exhale and practically threw herself back against the sofa. Staring at Miranda wearing the damn uniform wasn't helping in the slightest and she turned her head.

There was no doubt in Miranda's mind that she loved Ashley in her entirety – including the slightly disturbing manner in which she lavished attention on her Black Widow. However she could not grasp the notion of sharing her life so completely with another individual. While she had informed Ashley that she was leaving the _Normandy_, she had not thought to ask permission before enlisting. Her opinion had been that it was _her_ decision, _her _life. It was only through being subjected to the full force of Ash's wrath that she realised the mistake she had made. She had been too stubborn to simply admit that she was sorry and instead had listened to Ash's tirade – expecting that once she purged it from her system, the matter would be done and dusted. Clearly the marine was still exceptionally angry.

"Do you want me to leave?" Miranda asked quietly. It wasn't her preference – she was still hoping to get laid – but she would rather walk out than have to rehash the same argument all over again.

Ashley eventually met her gaze with a determined expression. "If you walk out that door then I'm never speaking to you again."

Miranda let out a low whistle. "That sounds serious."

In one fluid movement Ashley rose to her feet. She moved out from behind the table but instead of moving toward Miranda, she made her way to the bed. When she sat down again she felt suddenly deflated. The angry tirade that she had been practising for the past week suddenly seemed trivial within the wider machinations of the galaxy. Individuals, communities, and entire cities were struggling to survive while she was in the midst of throwing a childish tantrum. As she studied the woman standing in the middle of her quarters, the realisation that it was all a colossal waste of emotion suddenly hit her. This was the last opportunity that she would have to see Miranda in months…and she had not even bothered to say hello.

"M…come here." Ash patted the space on the bed to her right, hoping that the tone of her voice did not make her request seem demanding. "Please?"

Miranda acquiesced almost immediately. Ashley watched her movements, severely disappointed in the fact that the Alliance uniform managed to conceal almost all her lover's curves. _Focus, Ash_, she admonished herself.

Despite her best intentions, her focus was ruined a few moments later when she made the mistake of inhaling deeply. Miranda's soft scent assaulted her senses and foul mood dissolved completely. With a defeated sigh, Ash clasped the back of Miranda's neck and drew her close. As their lips met, most of the tension that had accumulated as she struggled with the model kit disappeared. Although she wanted nothing more than to collapse against the bed and drag Miranda down with her, Ash pulled away.

"Hello," she said softly.

"Hey yourself," Miranda replied. She chewed nervously on her lip for a few moments. "Ash, I-"

"M, please." She winced at the necessity of interrupting Miranda yet again. "Hear me out. I think you're making a mistake, but the last thing I want to do is stand in the way of a decision you've made. I just wish you'd spoken to me about it first, perhaps not to ask my permission but just to have a discussion – shit, I must sound ridiculous…it's this whole relationship thing, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I guess I just thought that two people who mean a lot to each other should, you know, talk about things?"

Miranda exhaled. "After spending my entire childhood being told how to think, feel, and act, I've spent my adult life building up my independence to the point where I find it difficult to let anyone in…even you. Ash, you mean the world to me and I'm sorry my first instinct wasn't to discuss this with you." In response, Ashley leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. Miranda grinned. "I'm still very much in training to be the perfect girlfriend."

Ashley snorted. "As sweet as that is, it's a load of bullshit. I'd never be able to 'train' you to do anything Miranda Lawson, and you're already perfect in my eyes. How much time do you have before you ship out back to Earth?"

"About two hours, "Miranda replied.

"Two hours?" Ashley asked incredulously. She smiled and ducked in for another kiss. "I thought it was less. I can do a hell of a lot to you in two hours. Are you sure you want to spend it all with me?"

"All of it," was Miranda's emphatic answer as she began tugging at the buttons on Ashley's uniform. "But I don't want to go another second with either of us wearing clothes."

As she began to perform the same task on Miranda's uniform, Ashley couldn't resist saying one last thing before their lips met. "Like I said…already perfect."

* * *

Having collapsed into a barely coherent puddle in the wake of their energetic goodbye, it was some time before Ashley could collect her thoughts together. At first all she was aware of was the pleasurable fuzz that made it feel as though her entire body was humming with electricity. When she shifted slightly, she also realised that her sex, the insides of her thighs, and both her tits were extremely wet (and she was quite sure that none of the moisture was sweat). She was eventually able to lift her head toward the source of the only noise in her quarters. Ash scowled when she saw Miranda dragging on her uniform. Words died on her lips when she realised that she was lying on the floor next to the bed as opposed to on top of it.

"It's either very bad that I don't remember how I ended up on the floor," Ashley mused in a tired voice. "Or very, very good." Her legs felt like jelly and she could not move let alone untangle them from the bed clothes. "And you're actually standing. How are you standing while I'm having trouble feeling my legs?"

"_Barely_ feeling," Miranda stressed. "If anyone notices that I'm walking strangely, there's going to be hell to pay, marine."

A grin of satisfaction creased Ash's face. With what felt like an inhuman effort, she manoeuvred her body back onto the bed. She propped herself up with a few pillows so she could watch as Miranda gingerly dragged on her clothes. Although Miranda's once crisp Alliance uniform was now slightly rumpled, Ashley realised that she felt a slight tug of pride. She didn't agree that the Navy was the best place for someone like Miranda, but she looked damn good in the uniform.

Having sky-rocketed from enlisted soldier to officer following the Battle of the Citadel, Ash had never attended OCS. She had however heard the stories claiming that it was both a hotbed of sadistic instructors and clandestine sexual liaisons between Officer Cadets. Ash felt the colour drain from her face at the last thought.

"M…we're solid right? I mean, you and I is an actual thing. An _exclusive_ thing?" Ash asked, unable to keep a hint of apprehension from appearing in her voice.

Miranda responded to her question with a long, steady stare. She eventually worked out the root of Ash's concern for herself. "The other recruits will likely be almost two decades younger than me, which is just wrong on so many levels. In the unlikely event I find a good-looking instructor, I'll ask your permission before having sex with them."

Ash's lips parted in horror until she realised that Miranda was making fun of her. "If I could stand up right now, you would be in all kinds of trouble, _sweetcheeks_."

With her uniform back on in the appropriate order and all the buttons lined up in their correct holes, Miranda realised that their time together was at an end. She started toward the bed.

"Please don't!" Ash held up her hands in defeat. "You kiss me again and I won't be able to let you walk out of the Crow's Nest. Just…you'll just have to…wave."

Obviously Miranda wasn't impressed with the notion of simply waving at her lover. She scowled and ignored the request, striding across the room to grasp Ashley's face in both hands before kissing her already swollen lips soundly. A small sigh of longing was all the air that escaped as their tender flesh danced in one drawn out moment. Miranda stepped back and left Ashley sprawled helpless on the bed.

She stared at her longingly. "We _are_ exclusive. I don't know how you feel about a promise coming from someone who is ex-Cerberus, but it's all I can give you right now."

"Some of my favourite people are ex-Cerberus," Ashley replied, drinking in as much of Miranda's soft blue gaze as she could. "I'll take it. The next time I see you, I'll expect a decent salute."

"Goodbye, marine," Miranda whispered.

Ashley winked. "See you, sweetcheeks."

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: Musing

_Blight and famine, plague and earthquake, roaring deeps and fiery sands,_

_Clanging fights, and flaming towns, and sinking ships, and praying hands._

I'm feeling strangely poetic. Must have something to do with being in love.

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: RE: Musing

Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?

P.S. I love you too

[end message]

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: Incoming package

You know that 'item' you left behind on the Citadel? Let's just say I may have miraculously found a replacement in a store in New York during my first furlough. Hopefully it catches up to you at the _Normandy_'s next supply drop.

Stop panicking (which I know you are) - I've packed it in an unmarked box.

M

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: I hate you!

So your 'unmarked' box arrived yesterday and was promptly claimed by Gardner who was under the impression that just because it had 'Cdr Williams' clearly stated on the label, that it was for him.

I don't think I've ever moved as fast in my life as when I snatched it out of his hands before he could open it. You would think that the crisis was averted but now the speculation is running rampant as to what could have been in the box.

So thank you…thank you very much.

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT: Thank you!

And I'm not being sarcastic this time…

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT:

_Attachment: Ash4M1. pic; Ash4M2. pic_

No explanation needed…just open the damn pictures :-S And please don't laugh.

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT:

Just a quick message to check that you're okay as I haven't heard from you for a few weeks.

I didn't expect much in response to those pictures I sent through in my last message as they were kind of lame…but you have no idea how hard it was for me to send them. It's not normally something I do.

[end message]

* * *

TO: WilliamsA

FROM: [redacted]

SUBJECT: RE:

I'm so sorry. Apparently breaking someone's nose means that even my free time is now no longer my own.

Pictures dully received by a grateful girlfriend. Unfortunately I can't even find five minutes to use them to any effect. Tried in the heads last night but having someone banging on the door saying that they need to 'take a shit' isn't exactly conducive to a pleasurable experience.

The food is quite possibly the worst I have ever eaten, there is no such thing as personal space, and according to my instructors, 'I can't shoot for shit.'

Why didn't I let you talk me out of doing this?

M

[end message]

* * *

TO: [redacted]

FROM: WilliamsA

SUBJECT:

"That hot September night, we slept in a single bed,  
naked, and on our frail bodies the sweat  
cooled and renewed itself. I reached out my arms  
and you, hands on my breasts, kissed me. Evening of amber.

Our nightgowns lay on the floor where you fell to your knees  
and became ferocious, pressed your head to my stomach,  
your mouth to the red gold, the pink shadows; except  
I did not see it like this at the time, but arched

my back and squeezed water from the sultry air  
with my fists. Also I remembered hearing, clearly  
but distantly, a siren some streets away - de

da de da de da - which mingled with my own  
absurd cries, so that I looked up, even then,  
to see my fingers counting themselves, dancing."

(Not something my Dad read to me!)

I love you, M.

A

[end message]

* * *

A/N: acknowledgements: Miranda quotes from _The Lotus Eaters _by Tennyson. Ash quotes Carol Ann Duffy's _Girlfriends._

Well, that's the end of _No Impact, No Idea_. Ash and Miranda's story is of course continued in _Architect of Fate_. Thank you so much to everyone who has allowed themselves to be swayed by this pairing, I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing the gestation and blooming of their relationship.


End file.
